Chocolate, Coffee & Sexy Undies

There are many, many things that I just never fully appreciated as a child. Coffee, chocolate and sexy undies would all make the rather long list of things flying below my childhood radar.  No, I wasn’t running around commando as a wee one.  (Well, I actually did a few times, but that’s for another post.)  After all, it was the 1970s.  We were all sporting practical cotton briefs in neutral colors versus anything remotely attractive — unless you find the days of the week remarkably cute.   But the aging process is all about finding new perspective. And things in your closets and cupboards you never thought you would back when you thought 35 was “over the hill” and stretch marks would never happen to you.

As a kid, my mom would always get us a chocolate Easter bunny for our baskets.  And, as a kid, I would eat the ears off my bunny and then decide I would save it for later.  (I apparently have hoarder tendencies.)  This went on for years.  YEARS people.  To the extent that one fine day during my adolescence my mom agreed to keep me company while I reorganized my closet.  We stood there in front of a long line of long and short sleeves mixed together with wild abandonment and suddenly I hear something a bit like this:

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Okay, Okay. Things Have Been Nutty.

You know how there are good times and not so good times in your life?  Well, things have been in a trough around here.  Rather than go into the sordid details that are really not all that exciting, suffice it to say, I’ve got three kids, an assortment of pets, a major home renovation project, a job, and a variety of sniffles and sneezes.

After the birth of my third child, I had to accept that sometimes, mama finishes last.  And that showers are only on a “desperately needed” basis.  So, this little moment of “me time” that I like to call my blog, has fallen by the wayside.  I am hopeful that this dry spell will have less staying power than my libido’s dry spell, and I can get my blog rolling along again.  But then, I’m not REAL sure that anyone noticed my silence.  Hey, there’s an idea.  If you came, saw that nothing was new, and were sad, let me know.  What with the way my hair looks these days (a girl can really only go 4 days without a shower before all hell breaks loose), I could use some positive attention.

However, while my cyber voice may have been silent, I HAVE been thinking little things to myself.  Such as:

What possesses some women to wear pink cotton capri pants with a black thong?  And I’m not talking about flip-flop thongs either, for those of you (who like myself) grew up in a time when a thong was something grasped between your toes rather than your buttocks.  You know, like what Jimmy B. blew out on a bottle cap?

Also, why is it that the doctor’s office always calls just before leaving for the day, so that there is no possible way for an anguished mother to actually find out what the cryptic message really means?  Oh, and just for the record, if you ever need an “EEG” for your child, don’t be too terribly distressed when you finally get a referral for an “EKG.”  The alphabet is such a slippery thing.

Here’s another thought that arrives in my cranium more times than it ever should.  Why can a dog sniff out a bone buried by Lassie before seatbelts were invented, but cannot manage to avoid stepping in its own poop?  And, of course, why is it I never notice this until the damn dog is walking across my carpet?

And to round out my little moment of drivel, why do my kids always get really interested in bickering at the precise time that all my morning coffee has completely worn off and I could really use a nap?

Stay tuned.  I promise I’ll come back.  I am really hoping I can get a shower first though.