Farting Makes Shopping Better

There is just nothing that can top the shopping experiences of a mother trying to purchase a list of three items.  Especially if that said mother has a three year old with her.

First stop, Target.  Two items: facial tissue and crackers for the three year old’s Halloween party tomorrow.  48 minutes, 3 trips to the bathroom, 1 Icee, and one very tortuous trip through the toy department later, we were finally read to leave.  In the shopping cart?  One long sleeve tee, 3 boxes of facial tissue (including one with fish on it in garish colors fit for only the criminally insane or 3 year old boys), a Littlest Pet Shop figure, and a dinosaur coloring book.  On the way out, three year old loudly announces that he has just farted.  Several nearby folk react – some with humor but a few of the bluer-haired ladies looked a bit peeved.

Second stop, Petco.  $37 later, mom is the proud owner of 2 Tetra, 4 carbon filters, and a test strip kit.  It only took 2 trips to the bathroom; which means I only had to hear the announcement, “Mom!  I have to poop!!!” twice.  (If your child has been potty trained for less than a month, you do not, upon penalty of dire consequences, make that child hold it.  Because, you know once you threaten to throw away accident-filled underwear, that die has been cast.)

Ah, home in time for a cup of Chai.

Oh crap.  Forgot the crackers for the stupid, stupid, stupid party tomorrow.  Guess now I get to make a trip to the store with three children.  You can only imagine how many items will make their way mysteriously into the shopping cart.  Makes farting the best part of a shopping trip.

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