I Will Wish As A Mother

My middle child is home sick today. This is the child who tries to negotiate with illness so that she doesn’t miss school. The child who once came down with scarlet fever while we were on vacation…who knows how long she was actually sick before she finally succumbed. She is not and never has been one to appreciate much attention while she’s sick. Just leave her alone and let her sleep.

Which is something I can fully support seeing as that’s how I like to deal with illness. Just leave me alone and let me sleep.

But today, more than anything I want to ignore her wishes. Instead, I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and hold her close. To sit so long and so very still that I can actually feel her heart beating, feel that subtle shake a body makes when it is still of everything beside a tiny breath and a steady heart beat. Continue reading

Trying To Read The Signs

It seems like these days my whole world is hard to decipher. Literally, I can’t hardly make out street signs anymore. I guess it’s time to see the eye doctor again. Of course, as often as my regular doctor dropped some variety of “at your age” I’m not too keen to go see my Doctor Payne. (I’m not making that up, btw.) Last time I was there he brought up “readers” — this aging thing isn’t for sissies, I tell ya.

I’m actually fairly chill about needing reading glasses because it’s just part of life. The other signs that are so hard to read, on the other hand, are making me far from chill.

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Insert Good Story Here

Today is the kind of day where everything is going badly.

Littlest is sick. Again. This time it is a fever and cough. Which is less messy than the fever and vomit of last weekend but no less difficult.

Last night while cleaning out the fish tank I did something horrid to my back. Yes, I know all about back safety but I hurt it anyway. Leaning over the tub, dumping out a bucket of water I felt something like an ice pick in my lower spine. Then, it was like a bubble was growing in my lower back, expanding pain up and through my spine. Yep, it was marvelous. Managed a few hours of sleep on ibuprofen and an ice pack.

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