Pausing to Breathe

Fall arrived up here on the hill and with it a lashing rain against my window, blowing the leaves to the ground. I don’t mind. This is what fall does — it reminds us of how the winds blow, how life is a series of impermanent moments.

But as the rain rattles against the glass, I am mostly glad for this quiet moment coaxing me to just sit.

To sit and breathe in life and this moment and the chance to pause. Continue reading

Missing People, Moments, Things

Today is less shiny version of itself. It isn’t a bad day, it just isn’t a sparkling day that catches my breath and my attention. It might have a lot to do with the weather and it might have a lot to do with worries that I carry with me – scars of a different stripe, so to speak.

And yet it isn’t a bad day. Of course, it’s only 10:39 am and I am still sipping my second cup of coffee. So there are hours ahead that might turn this day into a shiny sparkly, or a dismal dung heap. Life is one big stay tuned after another.

But one thing is clear. I am missing people and moments and things that have been part of my life and are no more. Continue reading

I Need Kittens & Puppies, Unicorns, and Whipped Cream

There are four people in my life that mean the world to me. So much that they get me to go camping with them (I’m terrified of bears), to dive in the swimming pool (I can’t swim), and to make four separate elements to a meal just so I know each one has something they like (picky, picky, picky – a bit of an overstatement, but true enough for some of them).

Those four people in my little world? I love them enough to go full-on Mama Bear as needed.

Which is why these days, I’m scared folks. So many things that make me scared for them. Scary stuff like

  • rising water levels,
  • lowering water tables,
  • guns in schools, movie theaters, public places,
  • Ebola and dysentery and cancer,
  • Ferguson, Missouri and LA and New Orleans and it seems like everywhere!
  • Iraq, ISIS, Gaza,
  • Depression,
  • Drug abuse,
  • And about a million other things that make me nervous for my kids and husband.

No matter what news agency I check, something horrific is happening. Frankly, it gets hard to live with hope when the news is filled with so many bad, bad things.

So today, I’m just going to Google up some cute gifs of kittens and puppies, of unicorns of all varieties. I’m going to search out all the cupcakes with sprinkles and cans of whipped cream and make S’mores in the microwave and build a blanket fort with my kids.

Because I only get one life and one life with these people who matter so much to me. I don’t know just how many days any of us have together, but I sure as hell want them to be filled with as much goodness as I can find.

My 52 Weeks In Review

As I sat down to string a few words together, some television staples of my childhood came to mind. Imagine my surprise when I realized that it is no longer a week in review happening over there at PBS. Of course, since I stopped watching tv in 1995, I really shouldn’t be surprised that I missed Washington Week’s name change back in 1999.

According to seemingly all school-children’s favorite on-line source, Wikipedia, the name change signifies the current host’s desire to look forward and not just behind. And I can see the marketability of such a move, painting yourself as forward-thinking and all that. But there is also something to be said for reviewing what has just passed. For without reviewing one’s course, how can one ever accurately adjust one’s sails to meet the next headwind?

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See-Sawing Through Life

I woke up today thinking about see-saws.

When I was a kid, playgrounds were filled with items designed to provide lots of laughs and potential injuries.  Apparently, cause and effect were still new concepts in the 1970s.  The playground at my elementary school had swings, a trapeze bar, all kinds of bars from which to penny-drop, a Giant’s Stride, a merry-go-round, and a see-saw.  The number of times I nearly did myself in on that playground is too vast to list.  More importantly, I’ve forgotten most of those bloody trips to the school nurse.  But, my near-death experiences by see-saw remain with me.  Those moments as I see-sawed through life on a dangerous trajectory, still fill my dreams with sensations of both flying and falling.

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The Passage of Time is Uneven

For me, the passage of time is uneven.  It is as if my whole life is a passage of events, as if time travels in a herky-jerky fashion.  And what heralds time’s passing are key events, caught in my mind like specimens caught in amber.

Each generation has its moments.  Events that are forever caught in the collective memories and that changed who the collective was and would be.  My mother told me of her “JFK moment.”  That moment in high school chemistry when she learned her President had been shot.  I don’t have a JFK moment.  But I have others.  Other moments that changed my timeline and in doing so, changed me.  The moments that I look back and think of as the bits and pieces of my life.

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What’s the Soundtrack of Your Life?

I love music.  Like most folks there are snippets of song attached to many parts of my life.  Is this a hold-over from being sung and hummed to as a baby?  I’m not sure.  But I do love music.  So much so that I can’t even figure out how to winnow down the list of my “favorites” for this blog.  Because the act of picking one leads to another and another.  What I do know is that the soundtrack to my life is much like me:  a crazy, mixed up assortment of styles and tempos.  In other words, one heck of an awesome playlist.

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