I Will Wish As A Mother

My middle child is home sick today. This is the child who tries to negotiate with illness so that she doesn’t miss school. The child who once came down with scarlet fever while we were on vacation…who knows how long she was actually sick before she finally succumbed. She is not and never has been one to appreciate much attention while she’s sick. Just leave her alone and let her sleep.

Which is something I can fully support seeing as that’s how I like to deal with illness. Just leave me alone and let me sleep.

But today, more than anything I want to ignore her wishes. Instead, I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and hold her close. To sit so long and so very still that I can actually feel her heart beating, feel that subtle shake a body makes when it is still of everything beside a tiny breath and a steady heart beat. Continue reading

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The Gifts of Love and a Dog

My doorbell just rang. It was the first time since moving here that I heard only my doorbell ring when someone was at the door. And my heart broke all over again.

This morning at about 10 am, Mister Soandso and I euthanized our beloved Charlie…the brown streak of energy and love that has been such a part of our lives, family, and home for the past nearly ten years.

And when the doorbell rang, he didn’t go running and barking to the door. Continue reading