For as long as I can remember, numbers have controlled me. Numbers such as birth order, height, GPAs, IQ, salaries, pregnancies, loans. I have collected numbers along my life path just like everyone else bumbling along. Some of those numbers have brought me great joy (such as the years I’ve been married or the number of kids I have) while others have carried a sting. And for a non-math-loving girl, this numerical influence chafes.
But perhaps the most influential number, on a daily basis, is my weight. I cannot even estimate how many good moods I have had torpedoed by the simple act of stepping on a scale. Last week, one of my CrossFit inspirations shared a link to Primitive Stimulus’s blog post on reducing the influence of the scale in our lives. It also happens that the day before she linked Jason Seib’s blog I started my day in my traditional manner: use the potty, weigh myself, make coffee. By the second act of my day, my previously good mood had evaporated at seeing a number I just really, really didn’t like. Poof! A great mood gone.
To say that I live in a state of conflict would be putting it mildly. Nearly every waking moment of my day is a testament to just how badly I deal with conflict. I can’t help it; I’m a Libra. Oh, I know, astrology is for the (fill in the blank here) but there may be some truth to the trouble with Libras when it comes to me. “Me? You want me to decide where we should go to dinner? Um, what sounds good to you?” This inner battle with the conflicting benefits of say, Pad Thai and Lobster Bisque, make me an interesting date. Throw a movie into the mix and you may as well just plan on the decision-making process taking longer for me than you ever thought possible. The problem is, regardless of the amount of time I spend conflicted, I am no better at resolving it today, than back when deciding which Geranimals best coordinated. For me, the conflicts between two choices are just as difficult to resolve as the conflicts between two people. I like to think of it as an art, but we all know that art is in the eye of the beholder.