I Will Wish As A Mother

My middle child is home sick today. This is the child who tries to negotiate with illness so that she doesn’t miss school. The child who once came down with scarlet fever while we were on vacation…who knows how long she was actually sick before she finally succumbed. She is not and never has been one to appreciate much attention while she’s sick. Just leave her alone and let her sleep.

Which is something I can fully support seeing as that’s how I like to deal with illness. Just leave me alone and let me sleep.

But today, more than anything I want to ignore her wishes. Instead, I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and hold her close. To sit so long and so very still that I can actually feel her heart beating, feel that subtle shake a body makes when it is still of everything beside a tiny breath and a steady heart beat. Continue reading

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Losing But Gaining

There is a magical collection of milestones people like me amass. They provide testimony of time’s passage and the gifts of that time. For me, that collection includes many, many Ziplock bags of teeth. Those plastic land-fill-unfriendly bags containing bits of enamel and DNA will outlast me and any baby book I may have intended to complete. What I hope for is that the once holders of those teeth outlast me too.

Littlest lost his first tooth the other night. It’s been wiggly for days now, perhaps a bit more than a week.

Wiggly. Like five year olds with their first loose tooth.

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