Today is less shiny version of itself. It isn’t a bad day, it just isn’t a sparkling day that catches my breath and my attention. It might have a lot to do with the weather and it might have a lot to do with worries that I carry with me – scars of a different stripe, so to speak.
And yet it isn’t a bad day. Of course, it’s only 10:39 am and I am still sipping my second cup of coffee. So there are hours ahead that might turn this day into a shiny sparkly, or a dismal dung heap. Life is one big stay tuned after another.
But one thing is clear. I am missing people and moments and things that have been part of my life and are no more.
There are people and places and moments that are no longer available to me. I miss Karen Harris’ hugs that got me through high school. I miss the hills of Carmarthen, Wales rolling up to meet my feet. I miss sitting outside with Jenny Kunze and commiserating about first year teacher angst. I miss the smell of my babies. I miss walking in a field with my mom and having her name all the different plants, her hand holding mine. I miss how free I felt driving my first car for the first time. I miss eating chocolate chip cookies without ever thinking about anything besides how delicious they were on my tongue.
It is okay to miss these things. Not everything can stay and it is okay that they leave. The important thing is that they were there at all. And I try to remember this as I look out my window into the rainy day outside.
The sun will be back.
The people who hold places in my heart are with me even if only in my heart.
The places I’ve seen changed my feet for having rolled up to meet them.
And my babies no longer smell like babies, but they make me happy just the same.
So what am I really missing?
I don’t know. Perhaps what I am really missing is yesterday’s hope for today. But today still holds onto it’s hope for tomorrow so I take comfort in that constant.
Be well my friends. And whatever you are missing, take a moment to savor whatever it is about those things that you are missing. It is nearly as lovely as the taste of warm chocolate on the tongue.