I’ll See You That Trip and Raise You This Fall

I read lots and lots of things, most of which I can’t talk about. But I often notice that authors write about ungraceful main characters. I’m not sure if this is because the author is writing about his/herself via the main character, or if someone made klutzy cute and nobody told me.

Because that would be awesome.

If you might be a bit of a klutz, can I get a fist bump of solidarity? Thanks.

I am such a klutz, those “tell us your most embarrassing moment” is too difficult for me to accomplish because the sheer number of stories is so vast–how do I ever pick just one?

(For the record, I usually go with the time I knocked over an entire store display of hand soap. Imagine the noise and ensuing mess of that. It was worse than what you just imagined, trust me.)

Anyhoo, in all these books I’ve been reading, the delightful main character has a propensity for tripping over her own feet, dropping things–especially if the handsome love interest is in the area, or other, similar tragedies.

Whenever I read about these events, I scoff. I scoff, I tell you.

You want to see klutz? Come on over.

Just this morning I nearly killed myself stepping off a one-foot-high foot stool. Just how does one do such a thing? Very carefully, let me tell you. The racket I raised was enough to rouse my dog from a deep slumber and make him look at me with a look that plainly said, “You are a pathetic hairless being. If you didn’t feed me, I’d pee on you.”

At the point of impact, I just did that “ouch, ouch, ouch” dance. Now, several hours later, my old rotator cuff injury is screaming at me, my back is telling me that it hates me, and the bruises on my knee and wrist are getting colorful.

So next time you want to look more graceful, feel free to hang out with me. Because most likely no matter what embarrassing trip befalls you, my fall will be an even trippier catastrophe.

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