I Can’t Let Go

One of my little “features” which I’m sure makes me even nearer and dearer to Mister Soandso’s heart is the fact that I have a wee bit of trouble letting go of things. I’m not Obsessive Compulsive (at least, not to my knowledge) but there are times when something happens and I just can’t let go of it – regardless of the total irrationality of continuing to obsess about it.

Last night–and let’s be honest, this morning as well–I’ve been obsessively searching my house for a roll of duct tape.

Yes, I realize this is hedging towards “total nut-ball zone” but that’s how I am. I just can’t let go of certain things. And in this case, it’s the fact that I remember putting the roll of duct tape in the pantry and now it’s not there. It galls me that I’ve searched in every likely place no fewer than 8 times and the rest of the places somewhere between 3 and 5 times. To put this into perspective, this means I’ve repetitively looked on the same shelf, sorting through the same clear storage box, stacking the same rolls of clear packing tape, at least 8 times. And I can see in the box and all of its contents without touching it. Eight times, people. Eight times.

No where is that roll of tape to be found. And yet, in the words of my mother, the damn thing didn’t just sprout legs and walk away. So here I am, on my hands and knees peering beneath the couch and chairs, sifting through backpacks, opening cupboards again and again.

I just can’t let it go.

This is the same peccadillo that made me stop balancing the checkbook and hand that job over to Mister. I just figure and figure and refigure until I drive everyone nearly as crazy as I am.

I’m not sure what has led me to this place of cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs, but I’m afraid that it’s getting worse as the number of people who interact in my little world has increased over time. Add to this the specter of my late grandmother’s Alzheimer’s/dementia and I’ve got a real rosy future ahead of me.

How about you? Do you have your thing? That thing that just gets you stuck into neutral with a broken transmission? Please tell me I’m not alone…

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8 thoughts on “I Can’t Let Go

  1. O I can set something downint”You’re not alone–Never alone.” (Semi-deranged laughter in background) — Pink Floyd, Oh, I can’t remember which tune.

    If anyone in the house, but especially me, can’t find something I MUST find it. I tend to get increasingly agitated right on up to panic-attack, unless the lost thing is Totally inconsequentiala. Its ecerbated by the fact that I also tend to be highly distracted, and can set something down and immediately have no idea where.

  2. This is a perfectly timed read for me. I’ve usually been good about letting most things go, but encountered a hiccup a half-week or so ago. I discovered the root of a mystery ailment assailing members of my household for weeks, and it all came down to tiny little fingers that love forcing their way into mouths. Yesterday and today, I noticed myself washing my hands every two minutes, and multiple times before anything went into my mouth. I am eyeing all surfaces with implicit mistrust and disgust, wondering what dastardly germs they’re concealing from the human eye. Ba.D. tells me I could drive myself nuts trying to counter all of ’em and that I will never get the best of all of ’em; for my part, I am going to try listening, but it’s certain I’ll never be able to look at things exactly as I did before, now that I know what pain (figurative and literal) can be involved in not giving those nigh-invisible hooligans proper attention.

    • I am growing concerned over how long you all have been sick. Do you have a mold problem, by any chance? Sometimes if there is an underlying irritant, our resistance is down and then we get sick with germs that normally wouldn’t have “bugged” us. (Pardon the pun, please.)

      • We know what we have and are being treated for it. Unfortunately, we do also suspect mold problems in addition. That as well as ongoing disputes with the horrible rental management company mean we’re looking for new apartments versus taking up the mold issue with them.

  3. You’re not alone! I hate it when I know something *must* be there, but I can’t find it. I usually can stop searching after a bit, but it really bugs me. And what I find most annoying, is when the thing finally turns up in a place I *know* I’ve looked, usually several times…

    They say that the problem in searching is that we have an image in our mind – say a roll of tape standing up, so a cylinder. If we see the tape, but it doesn’t match our search-image – say it’s lying on its side facing us, so we see a circle – our brain just doesn’t make the connection.

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