My Monday morning started just like they all do…me stumbling out to the kitchen to whip up some elixir o’ life, aka coffee. And, just like most mornings, I gave a wee bit of my synaptic energy to recognizing yet again that my new-ish coffee grinder doesn’t have the ability to wrap the cord around it due to the stylish tapered design. Now, this is a coffee grinder more than one step up from basic and includes some nifty doo-dads like a removable basket. But somewhere along the R&D process, some yahoo must have responded “Why would I want that?” when the concept of cord-storage came up. And I’m here to tell you, if anybody asks you about things you might someday want, you probably should take a few moments to think about your answer. Because most of us, we like things to look good and be functional.
Now, before somebody thinks this post is going to be about small appliances only, let me sooth your ruffled feathers. You see, the winning combination of good looks and functionality really applies to just about everything. Sexual partners included. And now that small appliances have forever been tainted for you (or improved, I suppose depending on your perspective) let me return to my coffee grinder and small appliance post.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but cords piss me off. As do several other odd things, but I’ll focus my angst on just one of them. Cords – everybody has ’em but few look good after some heavy use. (Which also has a bit of a sexual innuendo available for those who might think like me.) Take my mixer for example. After nine years of intermittent use, stuck in its grooved surface are the dried remnants of many types of muffins, cakes, and cookies. You’re telling me you can’t make a smooth appliance cord? Because these itty-bitty grooves are a regular nightmare to clean. And seeing as how just keeping my kitchen floor clean is a challenge for me, just when am I likely to take a toothbrush to my small appliance cord to scrub it? Not very freaking often, let me tell you.
And is it just me, or are appliance cord lengths designed by some soul with a very twisted sense of humor? If I line up all the small appliances in my house, each cord is going to be a different length. That new-fangled removable basket but no cord storage available coffee grinder? Yeah, it’s a whopping 15.25 inches long. Toaster is 18.75 and coffee maker is 38 and a bit. And yet, countertops have a standard depth. So, who’s the R&D dork-brain who thinks any poor fool just trying to grind the morning joe is going to have the energy and eye sight to use a coffee grinder a full sixteen inches away from themselves? And if your kitchen doesn’t have much in common with a pristine laboratory, well, you might have an even tougher time of it. Just saying.
So my vote is for longer cords with retractable cord returns, on everything. Even the things we don’t mention in polite society. But then, most of those are battery operated, come to think of it. But since nobody’s asking me, I guess it isn’t likely to happen.
However, if somebody from R&D is reading this, y’all might want to include in your product research an invaluable resource. Just go to the nearest park and identify the most harried looking mother/father/parent type. Ask them. They’d be able to give you lots of ideas on what real folks with real countertops with real spaghetti sauce dried on them are looking for in small appliances. Or baby strollers. Or car seats. Or mini-vans. Or dust-busters. We parent types – we know all the things that don’t make our days easier and we have all the answers to the age-old question, “What would you like?”