One Hell of a Weekend, Warrior

Some weekends are meant to be spent being a little, well, dirty.  Hey, I’m an adult.  I can do what I want.  At least within the bounds of certain laws…physics being one of them.  This past weekend had me getting up close and personal with some warriors – and some were very, very dirty.  And others not quite so close to me caused a variety of thoughts to run through this old lady’s mind.  (More on this later.)

So just what was I up to, you ask?  A bit of craziness known as The Warrior Dash.  I, being less than crazy, was only there to chauffeur my warrior and capture the occasion on camera.  I also was called upon to sew a warrior costume and shave a mohawk on a certain man’s head.  I tell you, the life of a warrior’s maiden is not without perks, let me tell you.

My husband, Mister Soandso, has been crazy for many years.  (Well, duh, he likes me.) He thinks not much of running to work and we live MILES from his office.  But his level of craziness has been increasing since we’ve been training with Adam and the crew at CrossFit.  So I’m not terribly surprised over his new-found appreciation for all things that make you find out just how much you’ve got in you.

So this past Sunday, the whole family travelled many a dusty gravel-road mile to arrive at the Warrior Dash and I have to say, our family is pumped for next year’s competition.  I’m even thinking about running it next year and I have this issue about water.  As in, I like mine in a glass, not equally mixed with mud and obstacles.  So you KNOW there must be some pretty fun mojo to the event.

Here’s some pics from the event to give you a good idea of why so many folks think being this kind of weekend warrior beats hanging out on the sofa any day.

Here he is, all chipped up and ready to run.  The Warrior Dash combines running (Ha! Some of the trail is nearly vertical – that makes it “climbing” not “running”!) with obstacles such as tires, muddy bogs, floating logs, pitch-black tunnels, and other fun things like that.  And some fire.  That part freaks me out, but I didn’t see anybody looking singed, so it must work out okay for most people.  Mister Soandso did a 360 jump over it when he jumped it, so I think he should have gotten some style points.  Of course, the moment was not caught on camera because the photographer was doing other things.  Namely detaching a four year old from a metal gate.

Oh, and a mud pit.  Did I mention that there was mud involved?  Yeah.  Lots of it.  In fact, the muddy aspect is what draws lots of folks.  Me?  I like my mud in pie form, but I’m wacky like that.

This hill was brutal.  So, of course, that made it a perfect spot for the tire run.  I’ve never done one of these tire-run-obstacle course thingies, but I’ve seen lots of movie scenes about them.  None of which would have helped me seeing as how I would have been sucking wind so hard right about then I may have just collapsed.  Mister Soandso?  Yeah, he just trucked up the hill.

And, right at the top of the tires, is the mud pit.  It is about one hundred and fifty feet from start to finish.   At the start, where the very nice Warrior Dash staff member is standing with a hose keeping the freshly dumped dirt a good and muddy consistency, most folks took a second to decide just how to traverse the six foot drop.  If you stood there too long, you were likely to get a little prodding from the hose-man.  Mister Soandso just ran right down the thing and started the belly-crawl.  Oh, and in case you can’t tell, that’s barbed wire he’s going under.  Several fine warrior folks tried to escape this part of the course without getting muddy (didn’t work very well for most of them) while others seemed to fully embrace it (such as the dude who did the faux-breast stroke through the wetter mud).  Either way, everybody got way more muddy than when they arrived at the starting line.

After this, it was just the last forty feet of foot-deep mud to get through and then a sprint to the end.  No problem, right?

Here’s how Mister Soandso looked at the end – although I didn’t manage to capture the true warrior spirt and mud smell emanating from him.  Dangit.

And his time? Sixth overall in his age division and 104th overall.  (He was only 32 seconds away from 3rd place – which would have rocked because 1-3 places get a metal warrior’s helmet…with horns and everything.  Dang, dang, and double dang!)

And even though he’s as tough as they come, my warrior is a generous soul, so he let the whole family try on his warrior hat.  What do you think?  Is it me?

I can’t wait until next year when I get my own warrior hat!   Of course, my warrior is scheming on how he’ll be bringing home the real deal.  The best thing though is that I have a whole year to plan my strategy for surviving the Warrior Dash and looking stylish while doing it.  Because you wouldn’t be a warrior without a few injuries or wardrobe malfunctions.

You can’t see the scrape on the knee or the major tissue damage on his forearm – but the inner thigh, oh my.  The kids think it spells out a word.  I agree – U.G.L.Y.  This photo is from this morning after he did a grueling workout.  Yep, that’s my warrior.  Nothing but nutty.

Oh, and costumes?  This one needs some work, don’t you think?

Not as much as the chick named “Holly” who finished 3rd in her age group and came in just before my warrior.  Of course, he didn’t seem to mind that she kept losing her bikini bottom throughout the race.  Maybe he would have carved off that 30 seconds if he hadn’t wanted to stay behind her.  That’s my warrior, ever the chivalrous one. “Ladies first!”

6 thoughts on “One Hell of a Weekend, Warrior

  1. Oh my!

    My husband would LOVE that!

    And I would love watching it.

    Tell you what…we’ll join you next year for this event if you join us at the Portland Pirate Festival next week. What say you!?


  2. That looks fun. But then I’m kind of a nutjob.

    It reminds me of a scaled down version of the UK’s Tough Guy competition, which looks SUPER fun.

    You look fabulous in the warrior hat!

  3. LOL! Chivalrous indeed! 😉

    Looks like a good time was had by all. Congratulate Mr. Soandso for me–6th in his age group is pretty darned impressive. 🙂

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