Strawberries and Fireworks

I don’t know about you but it certainly makes sense that strawberries and fireworks go hand-in-hand.  After all, both are patriotic as all get out when put in the proper context.  Namely, whipped cream and blue berries or Independence Day.  I find most parts of celebrating our nation’s birthday to be a heck of a good time.  After all, who can really argue with a burger or some potato salad?  Certainly not me.  Plus, not much screams patriotism like hoisting a brewski and blowing up stuff.  (giggle) But I do have a wee bit of trouble with strawberries and fireworks.

I can see you’re perplexed by how my mind works, but it makes perfect sense to me.  At least it did this weekend.

So I headed to my supermarket to pick up some lovely strawberries (and the necessary blue berries and whipped cream, of course) and spent a good ten minutes picking just the “right” neither biodegradable nor recyclable plastic container of berries.

I know I’m not alone in this endeavor because there were three other women standing there doing the same dang thing:  picking up a container, turning it this way and that to see if the berries looked good.  As in ripe.  Or, more importantly, not moldy.

And, of course, you know how it turned out once those berries were on my counter in hopes of preparing them:  a third of them were mysteriously moldy and a third of them were as white as my hiney in February.  Of the remaining poor berries, there was some nice color but not an abundance of flavor.  In other words, a bunch of my $1.99 a package strawberries turned out to be duds.  Grrr.

Same thing happened with the fireworks.  We set off some fireworks with the kids in our alley and enjoy the nearby displays done by bigger (aka professional) outfits or folks with more money than sense (but hopefully all their digits or appendages!).  My husband picked up some old standbys like sparklers and roman candles, but a whole passel of what we got last year has been renamed and repackaged so we have no idea what the heck we’re getting for our two-for-one bargain.  All we know is they are labeled with lots of flags and stars and warning stickers.  (And don’t worry, my 4 year old isn’t holding this roman candle by himself.  His dad just isn’t in the photo.  You also can’t tell he had his eyes squeezed tight the whole time but thought the experience was “Awesome!”)

I can share with you some of what we do know, tho.  We got a package of these little jobbers.  Eight of them.  The first one lit, spun and took off like the UFO it is purported to be.  The next seven?  Not so much.  Oh they lit.  And they spun.  But not for long and just in a dinky circle.  If those UFOs are any indication of just how successful that alien planet’s transportation system is, I think we can safely say we are in no danger.

The big winner of the night was the “Unicorn” packaged explosive that my daughter picked out.  She was drawn to the stars and horny-ponies prancing about its label.  We were drawn to it’s staying power.  That thing just kept exploding.  So much so, you’d think there would have been an Energizer bunny on it instead.

See what I mean?  You think you’re doing what it takes to get the proper bang for your buck, but sometimes it’s just a crap shoot.  The berry may be bright red and shiny but taste no more exciting than an used Kleenex.  And no matter how cool it sounds, sometimes the magic is stronger in the make-believe realm than in the Area 51 realm.

So as we enjoy the middle of our summer, may you and your loved ones have lots of opportunities to be together, have great times and make great memories!  And, of course, get a heck of a good bang for your summer buck!


9 thoughts on “Strawberries and Fireworks

  1. I’m so with you on the strawberries. I used to do just that turny thing too. I stopped buying my fruit at the supermarket and started buying it at the greengrocers, or at the local market. As a regular, these small businesses want you to come back. They won’t serve up duds, and will advise not to buy too much of something (because it’s ripe and will only last a couple of days). The choice is not always as big as in a supermarket, because they only sell what is good, but at least you know that whatever you end up with in the seasonal lucky dip, it’s going to explode in your mouth. In a good way.

  2. I hate duds, especially the strawberry variety. And of course the duds are always right in the middle, where you can’t see them until you open the package. I’m sure this is why stores sell them prepackaged instead of loose–so you can’t just buy the ripe ones you really want. It’s a sneaky way to unload the duds. Grrr.

  3. This has something to do with differences in male and female sexual responsiveness. As I am a man, I have nothing intelligent or useful to offer on this topic. Also, I grow my own strawberries.

  4. Hi there Kristina!
    I found your blog on “Freshly Pressed” the other day and commented on your “One Armed Stripper” post as well. You are hilarious! I write a blog about all the stuff we wish we had known as teenagers, the concept being “if you could give your awkward, teenaged self some guidance, what would you say?”. I would be so super thrilled if you were ever willing to submit a letter- I think you would have some great things to say!

    • Hi there and thanks for the kind words – I just got back from a week long trip with 21 teenagers so I’m a bit behind (read: exhausted) but will reconnect and get yesterday’s post done SOON! Right after I get some more coffee. 🙂

  5. I refuse to buy strawberries in the grocery store anymore unless they are in-season and local. Local berries are $5 a quart right now, which is outrageously expensive–but each and everyone of them tastes great–and better yet–SMELLS good. Ever notice how the grocery store berries in the plastic have little or no smell?

  6. Hi Kristina!!!
    I want to Thank You for the refreshing stories, when they arrive in my phone I immediately log into your blog and read my arse off. I have to agree with thehindshight, you are HILARIOUS…
    A Fan

    • Oh thank you! I’m a bit behind due to a week long trip I just got back from, but am hoping to get back in the saddle again quite soon. Must keep your phone ringing, so to speak! 🙂

  7. Ha…I like “modesty’s” answer — our fruit always seems to spoil a whole lot quicker when my husband does the grocery shopping. Just know there is something very satisfying about perfect fruit…

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