All Looks and No Function

There are plenty of times when we put up with certain “issues” for the greater appearances.  Control top nylons come to mind, for example.  And sexy shoes with pointy toes.  There are times when we take one for the team, shut up and put up because, well, we have convinced ourselves that the benefits out-weigh the costs.  Remembering the dyed-to-match 3.5″ satin pumps I sported to two proms, I can only put myself solidly in the “will suffer in the name of appearances” column.  But when it comes to bath towels, well, I draw a line.

During the first week of May (back when it was sunny) I had the opportunity to open my home to my Twitter friend, Debbie Schubert.  It was wonderful to finally get to meet Debbie but not so wonderful to clean my house in preparation of her visit.  Because there is a world of difference between having someone over for dinner and having someone stay in your home.  Namely, you can’t just stuff things in closets or hide dirty dishes in the oven.  (Not that I’ve ever done such things.  Nope, not me.)

As I vacuumed hordes of dust-bunnies and recycled  bags of child-made confetti, I went from “ah, spring cleaning” to “god, I wish my house weren’t such a greek tragedy.”  Yes, somewhere along the cleaning frenzy came the realization that I live more in “shabby” than “chic.”

Case in point, my towels.  As I was folding yet another load of laundry, I happened to notice that one of my bath towels was frayed on one edge.  Then I noticed another has a stain that bears a striking resemblance to a black magic marker thumb print.  And the hand towels look like small children have been skipping the “water” and “soap” steps in hand washing and have been going straight to the “wipe hands on towel” step.  Clearly, new towels were in order.

So off I hustled to the nearest store and selected just the perfect shades of towels to make my bathroom look like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.

Yep, they look good.

But they work like hooey.  As in, you turn off the shower, grab a towel and then shoo the water droplets around your body until they just give up and evaporate.

I thought they just needed an extra trip through the laundry to increase their absorbency.  Well, the dang things have been washed 5 times so far and still soak up less water than the ceramic tile.  Talk about ridiculous.  Instead of using these beautiful, fluffy new towels, everyone in the house pushes them aside and grabs the holey towels my husband and I received as wedding gifts a million years ago.  Those towels may not  look great, but they suck the water off you faster than the Mojave Desert.

Well, at least those new towels look good hanging there on the towel bar.  Just like those sexy shoes I bought and can only wear for about 30 seconds or so.  All looks and no function.  The things we do….

8 thoughts on “All Looks and No Function

  1. The only thing worse than towels that don’t actually dry are towels that leave you stinky. We line-dry a lot of things, and some weather conditions discourage the quick drying of well, anything, really. Then the “clean” towels get this funky aroma that can only be likened to dirty dog paws or perhaps wet Doritos. I love it when I pull out a towel and rub that sweet aroma all over my body!

    • Ugh. Stinky *any* laundry, well, stinks. (hee hee) I always figure all that effort shouldn’t be for naught. Can’t wait for some decent hot weather so I can dry things on the line again. By the looks of May tho’ we are not going to have much of a summer. 😦

  2. Love that: “shoo the water droplets around your body until they evaporate.” I’ve had those towels. I hate those towels. Give me the holey absorbent ones every time!

    • The worst part is that now I have a whole passel of towels that are basically crap. I guess a trip to Goodwill is in order, since I would never have the hoo-dads to try to return them. (As an aside, I worked at Linens ‘N Things back when I was a substitute teacher. One night a lady brought in a large bag with a set of sheets in them. As I pulled the sheets out to find the tag, I asked, “And what is the problem with the product?” “I can’t get the stains out.” [rubs hands against pants] “Ummm…” “Yeah, I put Vaseline on my feet every night and I can’t get the stains out.” )

      Always fabulous to have your lovely little smile peering at me in my blog comments my dear! ~k

  3. Yeah, I hate it when a towel purchase doesn’t turn out right. One thing I’ve learn is to not use fabric softener on them. It decreases their absorbency. However, too many washes without softner makes for hard towels… It’s a balancing act. 🙂

    • I swear, these towels are way fluffy and cute, but they were sprayed with Teflon first. A roll of tp would work faster and with less trouble… LOL!

  4. Bummer on the lousy towels! I had a bad towel purchase once myself, so I can relate. We fell in love with these wonderfully thin, waffle-weave towels when traveling in Italy, and I scoured the internet trying to find some just like them. I finally found towels I thought were just right, and ordered a zillion of them. Turned out they were barely bigger than hand towels. Not quite what I’d been craving!


    • Isn’t it weird how things in other countries are so different? (And I’m not just talking tp.) I searched for stuff via internet as well after travels and even though I’m a decent internet researcher…no avail. Can you sew a few together??? I’ll lend you my machine if needed? (making lemonade even tho’ I’m out of vodka!)

      Have a great day sweetie!

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