Snoring Is Relative

Imagine my horror last night when my husband casually affirmed that I do, in fact, snore “to beat the band.”  Really?  Really? Since when?  When did I go from a “sometimes heavy breather” to an official “snoring fiend”?  I am really struggling with this one folks.  Cellulite, funky vision, stretch marks, grey hair – I’ve found ways of compartmentalizing all.  They’re are all things I could potentially do something about having.  But snoring?

What am I going to do about this information?  Because, like, only old people snore.  And apparently me.  Who is decidedly NOT old.  Heck, I’m just barely middle-aged according to categories from the 1960s.  With current life expectancies, I’m still wet behind my cute little ears.


As you can see, I may need an extra cup of coffee and a cocktail/glass of wine to wrap my wee head around this one.

So after dropping this little bomb, my most excellent husband said, “But it’s not bad.”  Since when is snoring not bad? I’m pretty sure he meant, “I can cope with it” and that reaffirms my devotion to the man.

Because I fall asleep upon becoming horizontal (well, even that is not an absolute necessity) and I wake for no one under the age of 10 and not the fruit of my womb.  So somewhere along the line of being my “room mate” for 20 years, this man has learned to still love me even though I am a slumbering percussion band.

I guess snoring is relative – yet another bit of evidence pointing towards the power of genetics.  Both my parents snore – I always know when they are within a 20 mile radius.  (Love you Dad!)  So now I wonder if I am going to truly become my mother, complete with her brow furrows and snoring technique?

So, any tricks out there?  Am I forever destined to sleep with a strip across my nose, causing my husband to dream, not of large women (the best movie, ever!), but of burly athletes?

4 thoughts on “Snoring Is Relative

  1. If snoring equates to old age, then I must be well over 100. You see when I was a little kid and used to have Xmas sleep overs with my cousins. I had to make sure I fell asleep last so that they would not hear my trumpet toot. Or perhaps it was much more like a tuba honking. Anyways, one year I didn’t fall asleep last and when I woke up in the morning all my cousins left the room because I snored too loud. Just about everyone on my dad’s side snores loud.

    To make you feel even better, you probably don’t snore AND talk in your sleep. I most definitely do. Yep honk honk, mumble, honk, grumble, honk wheeze, chit chat.

    Now when I sleep at someone’s house, I come with a warning label. Caution: Loud sleeper. Separate room or ear plugs strongly advised.

  2. Never fear, snoring is NOT age-related! My sons have always snored and they’re only 18 & 20. Your husband loves you no matter what, which is what makes him your perfect partner. Now, get back to covering the gray and worrying about the cellulite. 😉

  3. My little midget is already a great snorer, and she’s only almost-7! Anyway, your wonderful blog has won yet ANOTHER blogging award–stop by my site to pick it up!

  4. I often tease my husband that I married him because he doesn’t snore, doesn’t have back hair, and doesn’t watch televised sports (and that I will leave him if any of these things change).

    In all seriousness, I’ll throw in a public service announcement for the benefits of being screened for sleep apnea. It’s a condition that can kill you, and snoring is certainly one of the symptoms. Maybe do a little online research to see if you have other symptoms, and if so, where you’re nearest testing center is.


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