Tales From the Cereal Aisle

Having made yet another voyage to the land of shoppers, I was feeling strangely moved to comment.  Sometimes you can go in for a box of cereal and a dozen eggs and come home with a whole bucket-load of thoughts as well.

In no particular order:

There is no good time to go to the grocery store.  In the early morning, it is you and the retirees.  They don’t always stop very quickly if you and he/she should happen to meet at the end of an aisle.  Afternoon, all the kids are cranky and the moms are needing a cocktail.  Late at night, lots of munchies going down the conveyor belt – bagging one’s own convenience foods does not enhance some folks’ patience.

Our “Safeway for the Criminally Insane” is getting a cosmetic upgrade.  The clientele, not so much.

If you have a 2 year old with you, the pinatas are very interesting.  Regardless of how many other people are trying to maneuver around you.

Even at $10 an hour, a babysitter may be less expensive than taking 3 children to the grocery store with you.

Yes, some people can get into a loud argument over the differences between a turkey kielbalsa and a turkey sausage.

Those folks you see on the People of Walmart videos, they shop at other stores as well, without costume changes it would seem.

Grocery shopping is helpful when looking for places to practice your global languages.  Russian is a big one in my ‘hood.  Plus, the Russian babushkas also have lots of advice on a wide variety of topics.  Support hose, for instance.

A panty liner is not accepted as legal tender.

In that same vein, if a maxi pad should fly out of one’s bag while extracting one’s wallet, one will react much differently before kids than after.  Just saying.

If the cashier is particularly young, expect to possibly need to assist cashier in identifying unusual vegetables such as kohlrabi.

Everyone appreciates being let “ahead” of your heaping cart – chivalry should be gender, age, and race free.

If you help a particularly bewildered looking man in the feminine hygiene aisle, your assistance may also be required in the newborn diapers and nursing aids aisle.

If you are kind and friendly to the cashier after witnessing him/her be verbally assaulted by a customer, it will help salvage the rest of that cashier’s shift.

Shoplifters are often not very bright.  They also don’t appreciate it when you loudly remind them that they forgot to purchase the expensive item under their coats.

Apples may not fall far from trees, but they can really roll a long way on those waxed floors.

Science lessons can occur naturally with preschoolers at the grocery store.  “What would happen if I pulled out the one in the middle?  Oh, the whole thing comes tumbling down.  Neat.”

Some shoppers do not understand the concept of expired coupons.

Others seem befuddled by the idea of a cart corral.

The inflated cost of paper products and Ziplock sandwich bags at the grocery store may still be an overall cost savings, compared to stopping at a discount retailer with an in-house Starbucks.  Especially if a preschooler accompanies you and begs incessantly for Legos.

Well, that pretty much summerizes this morning’s adventures.  And, of course, I forgot the eggs so I will be returning to my shopping adventures much sooner than I had anticipated.

How about you?  Got any shopping experiences?

6 thoughts on “Tales From the Cereal Aisle

  1. Oh, man. I remember the days of grocery shopping with the little ones–and then the not-so-little ones. Thank God they grow up. 🙂

    One really fun period for me was when my daughter was about a year old. She thought all men were named “Daddy,” and was extremely sociable, so she insisted on saying “Hi, Daddy!” to every man in the store whenever we shopped for groceries. You could always tell the single guys by the panicked look in their eyes. Hee. Good times.

    • My kids are brilliant. They have figured out that going to the store with Daddy is like Christmas. Holy cow can that get expensive. That man has no idea how to negotiate for the win.

      My oldest is now so opposed to the store that it takes major bribery to get him to accompany – when does the agony end? College years? Thanks for stopping by!

  2. I’m with Linda – I’ve always been opposed to grocery shopping, and with little ones in the mix, I’d rather slit my wrists and die a slow, happy, lonely death. My mom’s the type that wishes she could move her bed and TV into her local Safeway. She stops in at least three times a day. I will only enter a grocery store if I’m being held at gunpoint (by my kids wanting Pop Tarts), or the bread is so moldy it even makes the cats cringe.

  3. I know so many people who actually like shopping – not me. Well, for towels maybe.

    I doubt your mama would like my Safeway tho – way too many nutjobs who yell at you if you come too close to their cart.

    Of course, it could just be me…bringing out the best in people again. 🙂

  4. Ruth will not even let me go into the grocery store. With or without her I always come home crabby. Either I find something that really looks good and know I can’t have it, or someone runs up on my heel with a grocery cart. She just tells me to drop her off and wait in the car.

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