Buddy, Our Elf on the Shelf

Nearly a year ago I started performing stand-up with the Time Out Show and I received a “thanks for performing tonight, sorry we can’t pay you, so here’s a lovely parting gift.”  That’s how Buddy, the Elf on the Shelf, came to live with me.  Of course, he arrived at the end of January so he went directly into a dusty box in the attic, but whatever, it was a home for goodness’ sake!

Last weekend, as we put up the tree and other decorations, we dusted off the boxes and unveiled him.  (With the level of dust in my house, it really was an unveiling, let me tell you.)  The kids were, um, a bit perplexed.

“What is that?”  That is an Elf on a Shelf. He lives here now and we should name him.  His job is to keep an eye on you and report your behavior back to Santa Claus.  So, any name suggestions?

“How about Fishie?”

Listen to me, I do not make this stuff up.  If I did, it wouldn’t be nearly as funny.  Or weird either.  I intervened and named him Buddy after one of my favorite sugar-lovin’ men in the world.  Well, who doesn’t love Will Farrell in green tights?

So last night the kids made a rather startling discovery.  It seems that Buddy had had a rather challenging moment or too much egg nog, because this is how we found him.  Did you know that a small, behavior modification tool can levitate?  I mean, holy Batman, I know that Buddy’s head must be heavy, but that is ridiculous.

“Mom!  Mom, come check out Buddy!”  I head on in from the depths of the dishwasher where I had been playing with the silverware and immediately had to find the camera.  This is not how Buddy had appeared in the morning.  I think I may need to start marking the levels on the booze cabinet’s inventory.

Our kids have been having a great time trying to find Buddy on his mad-cap adventures about the house, but this morning they were stumped.  I don’t know why, wouldn’t this have been the first place you checked???

Round and round the house all three hunted.  You would think that the whole “get ready for school” routine would have offered at least a single opportunity to find poor Buddy, but alas, it was not meant to be.

We finally had to begin offering suggestions of places to look.

And before anyone asks, yes, my children definitely need supervision in the bathroom.  And not just the recently-potty-trained child.  If there is a way to leave half a tube of toothpaste on the sink’s surface, get all the towels soaking wet and then left on the floor, unroll the remaining toilet tissue, and paint the side of the bathtub with red nail polish, my children will find it.

In other words, they can get seriously distracted from the job at hand.

So, boys and girls of this world.  Remember, Buddy just may be watching you so think very hard about whether you are going to end up on the “naughty” or “nice” list this year.

As for me, I’m just going to keep doing that mom thing.  You know the whole gig where you are in charge of making all the meals (that includes the multiples to accommodate the dietary wishes of 3 kiddos), washing and folding all the socks, et al, and figuring out how to store in perpetuity all the art projects that come home from school.  Oh, and attempting to make the food pyramid look a little less like Buddy and my favorite:  “candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”

Have a great day and make it one that Buddy, the Elf on the Shelf will approve of instead of just driving him to drink.  He is by the rubbing alcohol after all!

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4 thoughts on “Buddy, Our Elf on the Shelf

  1. This is the first year that I haven’t put out my Shelf Elf, and thanks to you, I guiltily went into the garage to dig him out of one of the plethora of Christmas decoration boxes and put him out! My elf has seen 32 Christmases so far, and it would have been a shame to miss his 33rd! Thanks for reminding me of the importance of the Shelf Elf, but alas, I don’t think it will work on pets, as they have been on the naughty list ALL YEAR and I can’t imagine a little felt elf with a plastic head will deter their bad behavior!

  2. Come on Cory – ya gotta have faith. Ya’ll need to take a pic of him on his 33rd Christmas – surely it needs to be commemorated? Merry Christmas!

  3. This made me laugh so hard I cried!! “Did you know that a small, behavior modification tool can levitate? I mean, holy Batman, I know that Buddy’s head must be heavy, but that is ridiculous.” Comedic gold!

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