Farting Makes Shopping Better

There is just nothing that can top the shopping experiences of a mother trying to purchase a list of three items.  Especially if that said mother has a three year old with her.

First stop, Target.  Two items: facial tissue and crackers for the three year old’s Halloween party tomorrow.  48 minutes, 3 trips to the bathroom, 1 Icee, and one very tortuous trip through the toy department later, we were finally read to leave.  In the shopping cart?  One long sleeve tee, 3 boxes of facial tissue (including one with fish on it in garish colors fit for only the criminally insane or 3 year old boys), a Littlest Pet Shop figure, and a dinosaur coloring book.  On the way out, three year old loudly announces that he has just farted.  Several nearby folk react – some with humor but a few of the bluer-haired ladies looked a bit peeved.

Second stop, Petco.  $37 later, mom is the proud owner of 2 Tetra, 4 carbon filters, and a test strip kit.  It only took 2 trips to the bathroom; which means I only had to hear the announcement, “Mom!  I have to poop!!!” twice.  (If your child has been potty trained for less than a month, you do not, upon penalty of dire consequences, make that child hold it.  Because, you know once you threaten to throw away accident-filled underwear, that die has been cast.)

Ah, home in time for a cup of Chai.

Oh crap.  Forgot the crackers for the stupid, stupid, stupid party tomorrow.  Guess now I get to make a trip to the store with three children.  You can only imagine how many items will make their way mysteriously into the shopping cart.  Makes farting the best part of a shopping trip.

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2 thoughts on “Farting Makes Shopping Better

  1. Thanks I needed the laugh. I think elementary teachers are the only ones that hate holiday parties more than parents. We are over loaded with curriculum yet we need to take time out to not only have a holiday party but plan it as well. I’m obviously not one of the smart teachers that have a parent do all of this planning. If I sound like a grinch it is probably true. It will get better after October 30th though. Then it will probably start to get worse just before winter break.

    • Okay, I have to admit this: I pretty much hate all the fru-fru things. I’m just a dud, I guess. Seriously, who needs to have fun in life? I actually really detest Halloween (it isn’t as bad when it is on a weekend). It is just one mad moment after another peppered with lots of sugar. Ba-hum-bug indeed! 🙂

      Hang in there Wendell – you’re changing lives!

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