First off, who the hell decided to start calling fish sea kittens? PETA’s web site asks us if we’d still order fish sticks if they were call sea kitten sticks. Hmm, I don’t know, do they come with tartar sauce? Yes, I really like fish (actually, to watch and to eat) but I hate that every damn thing in our world is so politicized. Some say it’s all in the name of raising awareness. Others would say it’s just the side effect of a strong political action group. All I can say is that I’m feeling some serious guilt these days and I’m needing someone or something to help allay it.
I have become a murderer.
I really enjoy owning a fish tank and stocking it with various types of fish. My parents often had a fish tank as I was growing up and I’m one of the nerds who likes to ooh and ahh over the coy at the local Thai restaurant. In college I splurged and set up a 10 gallon tank with glass cats, neons, a whole array of floating excitement. After reading a few chapters of 20th century world history, watching my fish swim around took a bit of the frustration out of my night. Much better than the M&Ms I had used prior to owning a fish tank.
When my son was 5, I presented him with a fish tank and passed along my love for owning fish. Of course, this means that I once again care for fish and their little world, but that’s the nutty thing we parents do: try to teach children to care for life but really just add more things to do to our proverbial plates.
Well, I killed them. With this morning’s check of the tank, each and every one of them. Dead or dying horrid deaths. I am a murderer.
One was still trying to swim around and was obviously having distress. Ammonia poisoning is a terrible thing to behold, let me tell you. A quick google later and I added “euthanizer” to my list of sins. (Did you know that the most humane way to euthanize a fish is to wrap it in a paper towel and freeze it?)
I tell you, this pet ownership is a bitch. Not only have I been the only one cleaning and feeding the dang fish for years now (unless you count the many Legos and Pokemon cards my youngest added to the tank when he has quite small), but now I am the sole killer of all our fish.
I’m so damn depressed I just may need to go eat a fishwich and wash it down with a big ole drink of something. Like maybe a Barracuda’s Bite. It will at least gird my proverbial loins enough to go break the news to the kids.
Mix in shaker with ice. Strain into a highball with ice. Enjoy.