The Health Hazards of a Clean House

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit it, I am not a great housekeeper.  No Martha Stewart or Mrs. Cleaver merit badges for this girl.  I’ve been known to say that a person won’t catch any diseases at my house, but it’s not all that clean.  In fact, it is pretty much always a fine balance between the organized and disorganized chaos.  Junk mail and Legos appear to be my nemeses.  But I do try to keep the hygiene level at least close to “acceptable.”

So today was the day to make the kitchen floor a bit less sticky.  How does this happen?  One minute all is well in my life and the next I walk out of my slipper which is stuck to the floor?  All I am wanting is a cup of coffee and now I’m on my hands and knees scrubbing mystery gunk off the floor?

Yeah! Camels from the Minnesota Zoo!

Yeah! Camels from the Minnesota Zoo!

And, of course, one little project just leads to another and another and another.  Such is the life of a SAHM.  Tedious and unglamorous, but that’s what we do.  However, today there were some little straws that just got too much for this Camelus bactrianus.   You know those things you bring into our lives in hopes of making things better?  I don’t know about you, but many of them end up biting this SAHM in the hiney, and not in the way I like, either.  lol.  First off, while dumping the mop water into the toilet, I realize a few things.  a)  My just about potty-trained 3 year old (praise be!!!) has some aiming issues – but then again, he is a man in the making.  b) Somebody has been having a field day scattering bits and pieces of toilet paper about the bathroom.  c) The brand new toilet’s brand new toilet seat is kiddly-whompus, or not quite straight.  Grr.  d) How could there be a toilet ring in here already?  Didn’t I just scrub this thing out the other day?  Anyhoo, so I trot off to the pantry for my cleaning bin so I can make the commode all shiny and sparkly.  So, here’s the first installment of the danger part.  You know those safety lids they put on toilet cleaning goo?  Yeah, they need a warning sticker apparently because that beast took a bite out of my knuckle.  Just how does this happen?  Yeah, I’m still pondering that one as well.

Secondly, you can’t leave the vanity all tooth paste spattered if the commode sparkles, so I set about applying my good ole Scrubbing Bubbles.  Part way through I realized that the caps of my new(ish) SonicCare tooth brushes were absolutely grodey.  So, there I am with a Q-Tip trying to get all the goo out of them.  Hello!?! We wash off the brush before we put it away?  Where did all this goo come from.  This wasn’t particularly dangerous, but it did necessitate a coffee-break.

However, as I was putting my cleaning bin away, I had to do the “mom-shuffle” around the displaced chairs.  (Remember how mopping my floor started my little odyssey?)  And part way between a doesie-doh and a step-ball-change, my bin of cleaning goodies made good contact with the side of the doorframe. Let’s just say that’s going to leave a mark.

So, here I am.  Yet another cup of coffee in hand, a few Advil getting ready to join the coffee swill in my tummy and an ice pack on my hip bone.  Oh yeah, I look way better with my clothes (and yellow rubber gloves!) on.

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2 thoughts on “The Health Hazards of a Clean House

  1. Man, you just gotta start walking around the house with sunglasses on. You will look really cool and you’ll hardly notice the dirt spots. The sticky stuff on the floor will still bother you, but that’s unavoidable.

    • I would but they impede the “just eyeball it” method of adding cream to my coffee. Doesn’t affect my ability to pour a mean glass of wine tho… 🙂

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