You know how sometimes you have a day that just does not bode well? Well, I’m having one of them. First off, I decided at about 9:30 last night that something was decidedly “not well” in my bladder. Without going into details, let us just say that watching a grown woman cry over the potty is not a pretty sight.
Then, this morning, things were worse. Much worse.
So, I told the DH, “hey guess what honey? I’m going to venture out into the tundra and go get me some lovely drugs.” It was rather like the 3 hour cruise that included frozen pine trees rather than coconut fronds.
Prescription clenched in hand, I decide to head to the nearest place where I could attain a Chai, medications, a bathroom, and an opportunity to get some more “kringle” for a bit less jingle. I figured if DH got something wrapped up in a pretty little box and a wife who didn’t sob whilst peeing, he wouldn’t care if I dropped a few dinero at Target.
Many moments and 4 trips to the potty later, I emerge from the shopping mecca of the northwestern suburbs and find that another three inches of snow had accumulated on my vehicle. Yippee. Then, as I waited for the interminable light to change, my DH calls and wonders if I could go back and get some gloves for our eldest (who has several pairs, they all just happen to still be at school or where ever he left them last). “Sure thing” I sing out in my best holiday cheer.
It took me almost 40 minutes to get turned around, go back into the store, buy the 2 things I had forgotten to get, and find out that there was not a single pair of gloves or mittens to be had. I was even willing to put him in High School Musical if it would keep his hands warm and dry. Apparently, I was not the only mother driven to such extremes.
So, off I trundle, gloveless, towards home, only to find my Ho! Ho! Ho! quickly dissipating with every oversize pickup that barreled past me on the freeway. What is it about a few inches of snowfall to bring out every Ford 150, 250, and 350 fool? Oh, I’m sure they are there everyday (this is the NW, after all) but I couldn’t help but notice them today. Perhaps it was because they were attempting to drive me off the road.
Seriously folks, just because you have 4-wheel drive and 13 lift kits so as to necessitate the use of a step ladder to allow the hapless fool that you are to actually attain the driver’s seat, don’t even think I’ll not be commenting on the apparent need you have to promote your manliness – all while I moozy right on past your “all 4 wheels are spinning” self in the ditch.
Sheesh. It has been a day. And to top it off, we got the absolutely BEST posting from Craig’sList. We are trying to get rid of our hot tub as the space is needed during our construction project, and I’m tired of looking at the thing already. So, the following was sent – I believe in all earnestness.
“Am possibly interested in hot tub. A few questions: Do you know if the hot tub has ever been ejaculated in? If so, do you think the filter has been changed since then? If not, I am interested. Would like to reverse flow of pump so the water would first enter the filter, reconstitute the dried semen, and blow it into the tub. Let me now if still available. The tub I mean, of course, not you. Unless you’re cute! 🙂 Thanks…”
So, how’s your day going? I’m going to fire up the tea kettle, make some soup and some biscuits, and stare at the snow still coming down.
I just hope tomorrow my pee is no longer day-glo orange and I don’t have to meet the person who wants to reconstitute semen. Of course, he probably drives a really tricked out Ford 250.