When I stopped in the office yesterday, a few things happened. First the secretary told me to leave and not come back until my tan had faded. Then, folks started asking me how my vacation had been. Now if you know me, you know that such a question is going to get a less-than-brief answer. However, I don’t think those poor vacation-curious folks fully appreciated the can of crazy-crabby they opened. Let me explain.
The question “how was your vacation?” is a troublesome one. Because really, no one actually wants to know if the water gave you diarrhea, they just haven’t figured out a shorter way to say, “please summarize your vacation into a select number of sound bites that will both mollify my jealousy that you went to ‘x’ while I was stuck here in Craphole USA as well as give me a reason to save for a vacation rather than Botox and a tummy tuck.” But since I’m a helpful soul, I do try to give a clear picture of how my vacation actually went.
For the past three days, I have technically been on vacation. Which is to say that for the past three days I have been both ignoring my normal life while completely living it. No, that isn’t a Mai Tai talking (or even my favorite, the Bahama Mama). What is talking are the primary roles I play in my life: mother, wife, writer, comedian. So the part of my life that pays for groceries and trips to Burgerville? That part I have completely ignored. Job? What job? I’m on vacation! But my kids, the comedy gig I have coming up in February, my writing, my sweetie…all on my mind most moments even here in Jamaica. (Well, obviously Mister Soandso is rather hard to forget, especially since he brings me all those Bahama Mamas from the bar!)
That tree there? It’s front and center in my favorite edit-cave ever. Although to be honest, I have had a bit of trouble staying focused on stuff like line edits and verb tense shifts. But do you blame me?
And this photo? A good example of what this vacation is: a combination of reading other writers (that is my friend Tawna Fenske’s debut novel Making Waves), editing my novel (that’s the 3-ring binder), and the very best friend, inspiration, and beta reader I could ever ask for (or at least Mister Soandso’s toes).
Yes, I’ll be ready to return home in a few days. But in the meantime, I’ll be enjoying every minute of this week on my favorite beach in the world. And something tells me that the scent of sunscreen on the pages of my novel will keep this vacation alive for several months to come!
Hello all my lovelies. This is a “place saver” of sorts as I am away from my normal mode of all things bloggery. I promise to try to put up a proper blog post on Monday – I’m too jet-lagged right now to do more than snooze on my keyboard.
But know this, not much soothes the soul of this old lady more than a pina colada on her favorite beach in the world…except maybe all the great readers and folks I’ve come to know through this blog. Be well friends, be well!
I’ve told a joke before that always gets the laughs and always gets people coming up after the show to talk about it. It goes like this: “Ladies, let me tell you a little secret. Men may like perfect women’s bodies, but that’s not what they’re attracted to. Men are attracted to what they have access to. Sexy is all about proximity.” And folks laugh because it’s true.
But that which is funny is often built upon what makes us twitch a bit. And the fact of the matter is most of us are very uncomfortable with our bodies and what makes us feel sexy and all that. I think the solution is putting the parts together and getting naked. And I’m happy to explain.
I am having one of those days where it’s tempting to put one’s head on the keyboard and give it a saline bath. Ever had one of those? Sadly, I have them often. Today’s little sorrow-fest was brought about by mathematics, but made bearable through faith. Let me explain.
I recently vacationed in paradise and flew the sometimes unfriendly skies to get there. (Flying isn’t as much fun as it used to be. The unidentifiable chicken dish has been down-sized to a pretzel.) In the process of harvesting kernels to use (like this one), I was curious about just how many US citizens travel internationally, anyhoo.