Over the weekend I read a story that involved two cavers exploring a cave and deciding to chip away at a small hole in a cave wall to explore the cavern beyond. That image is still with me today.
I think about how some relationships get chipped away, one conversation at a time, until whatever foundation that once held it strong erodes and it all falls down upon them.
I think about how a person’s very self can get chipped away by the incessant harping, criticizing, and belittling until the person is but a shell of who they once were.
I think about how faith can be chipped away until that faith is gone.
I think about a body’s health chipped away by disease and neglect.
I think about the chipping away.
But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? It is possible to chip away the old, worn, and diseased until the strong, healthy, and stable appears.
Chip away the barriers erected to keep folks out and find there are many just waiting to join you once you break through to the space beyond.
Chip away the stone to the marble statue beneath.
Today feels like the end of some things. I am trying to hold on to the idea that what will be left is the best of what can be. That after all is chipped away and swept away, the remaining will not only be good but more beautiful than I could have ever had hoped for.
But the pile of dust and rocks worries me. Has too much been chipped away?
Or will the Portland cement of my life to come to my aid – collecting my bits and pieces into something stronger than I was before. It will look different, be different. But I am the aggregate mixed with the slurry, waiting to knit back together into something able to withstand tomorrow’s chipping away.
All my support and “Portland cement” to those who need it – together we are stronger, together we are better. We will chip away at the barriers ahead–it may be slow going and painful but we will get through this. We will be like those cavers who knew that by chipping away the hard rock, something wonderful awaits.
When I started blogging, I made the decision to be as much like myself here on the page as I am in the real deal. Well, that might be a lie because I’m not sure much of a decision-making process was really involved but I did decide to not attempt to filter myself all that much. So in that sense, it is true.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a bit more of those commodities in life? It seems like there’s plenty of subterfuge, manipulation, and death by a thousand paper cuts. But the plain ole good stuff seems to be in short supply.
Some days this torments me more than it should. Read more…
I’m not sure if any of you noticed, but I didn’t post last Friday. Yes, I know that bio-thingamajigger says I post on Mondays and Fridays as long as the coffee and chocolate doesn’t run out so I apologize if anyone started to worry about the availability of either item. The fact is, Friday was insane and today matches it. In fact, the next few weeks are all pretty much the same gig.
I’m just not sure how many plates I can keep spinning.
I hope you won’t all disappear while I try to figure that out, because that would make me sad. But my reality is that when you’re not sure how to cope, you have to pare everything down to what really matters. And right now, what matters most is not losing my freaking mind. Instead of blogging all my angsty-McAngsterish, I may take a breather and just try to you know, breathe for awhile.
I hope to see you on Friday. With my mind intact. And breathing in a nice and healthy way instead of into a paper bag.
Blessings to each of you…
Today my whole family is home – most of us were in our pajamas until noon. So far I’ve made 2 batches of muffins and played a board game with Mister Soandso and Biggest. Middlest and Littlest have been lounging around, playing with new Pokemon cards or other games. I’ve read a bit and drank hot coffee with good music playing in the background.
Later on we’ll eat Mister Soandso’s barbecued ribs and some side dishes and some apple pie. I foresee more board games or cards or something, all of us gathered around the table together.
And I’ll look around the table, at those four people who hold my happiness in their hearts and hands and I’ll be thankful for one more day with them, one more chance to leave smiles in their hearts and hugs around their bodies.
I’ll take a moment to be present, fully present, with the people whose lives matter more than my own. And I’ll be thankful for the service men and women whose lives have been lost so that my family can be together this way, on this day. May their families and friends find peace in the empty seat at their family table.