Home > Front Page, Writing > Two Truths and a Lie

Two Truths and a Lie

April 27, 2012

Yesterday I was goofing around on Twitter (I know, big surprise there!) and I started tweeting the hashtag #2truthsandalie. I’m not going to lie, it was a hoot. Have you played this classic “ice breaker” game? The rules are simple: tell two truths and one lie about yourself and the rest of the group then has to guess which one is the lie.

The trick is making the lie so plausible that your audience can’t tell which is the truth and which is the lie.

The first time I played Two Truths and a Lie was a few years ago at a youth event. We were divided into groups by birth month and so I sat on a carpeted floor at 9 o’clock at night with my fellow Libras. It quickly became apparent that not all folks are good liars. For example one young man’s offering was “My name is Brian and I have two sisters, a Golden Retriever and a pterodactyl.” Now sure, he could have been fooling us with a toy pterodactyl but since we knew he came with his identical twin sisters and there was long golden fur stuck all over his black sweater, odds were in our favor of working it out.

So yesterday I tweeted a handful of #2truthsandalie and had so much fun I figured I would continue the fun over here today. After all, I am typically a great liar. Besides, my other option was a blog about man-boobs. Who knows, maybe Monday’s Missive will be about man-boobs — you’ll have to come back to find out. My mind is a scary place indeed. Just for kicks, I’m going to group them by themes even though the purpose of the game is to be more general because, ya know, it’s a “get to know you” game.

  1. I have colored my hair red, brown, and black.
  2. When I get a manicure, I choose either a French manicure, red or burgundy.
  3. I can roll my tongue, wiggle my ears, and whistle.
  4. I lettered in basketball, track, and volleyball.
  5. I have sunbathed nude in Jamaica, Hawaii, and the Cote D’Azur.
  6. At a steak place, I would order either a NY steak, rib eye, or filet mignon.
  7. When it comes to seafood, I love shrimp, crab, and mussels.
  8. I have eaten steak tartare, haggis, and vegemite.
  9. If I go out for drinks, I would order a Sidecar, a Cabernet Sauvignon or a Pinot Grigio.
  10. My first kisses with a boys went badly because I sneezed just before contact, I was pooped on by a bird, and I turned my head.
  11. I have driven in Missouri, Iowa, and Illinois.
  12. I earned a “B+” in college in Biology, Creative Writing, and Sociology.
  13. Three people (not myself) have vomited in my hair: my daughter, my husband, and my best friend in elementary school.
  14. On my first car, I changed my own tires, spark plugs, and oil.
  15. In my Easter basket, the order I ate my candy was peanut butter eggs, malted eggs, jelly beans.
  16. I like vichyssoise, gazpacho, and borscht.
  17. As a slave to fashion, I have owned Levis, Abercrombie, and Guess.
  18. I’ve never drank a glass of pilsner, Guiness, or hefeweizen.
  19. When I worked in a cannery, I made blueberry jam, strawberry ice cream topping, and mixed berries for smoothies.
  20. I have been paid to shear sheep, watch plays, and sous chef.

Well there ya go, 40 inane bits of trivia about myself and 20 delicious little lies. Can you tell the difference? Oh and Mister Soandso, you have to wait until later to prove how well you know me. After 21 years of being together and me telling stories for nearly all of it, he may have an unfair advantage.

I guarantee that he’ll miss some. And it won’t be because he hasn’t been listening to all my stories or because he isn’t smart. Because he has and he is. But some of these lies are close enough to the truth that they will deceive him. And some of them are from parts of my life he never thought to pay attention to or wasn’t around for.

But most importantly, its because I’m a pretty decent liar. I know that shouldn’t be a source of pride and it isn’t, really. But I got really good at living behind a veil of half-truths — stories close enough to the truth that no one questioned their validity. Now I tend to live on the other side of reality’s veil. But it is a skill I still retain.

Which means I love stories and making up two truths and a lie about myself, the people in my novels, the people on the street. To be a writer and a comic is to tell many little lies until they become the truth.

How about you? What lies have you told long enough that you actually believe them now? That is was the other person’s fault? That you did enough? That you are too fat to deserve to be treated with dignity? That you aren’t smart enough to be taken seriously? That you are alone because you’ve done something wrong? That tomorrow will be better because it isn’t today? That “there” is better than “here”? That you don’t make a difference?

We are all liars. It is just that some lies are grounded in truth. And some are just lies.

So go on. Tell me some lies. And I will tell you the truth.

I need you because you give me reasons to live on this side of the veil of reality.

  1. April 27, 2012 at 10:29 am | #1

    well I was there for the bird poop one, but I haven’t a clue as to the vichyssoise, gazpacho, or borscht one.

  2. April 27, 2012 at 2:53 pm | #3

    2 truths an a lie: I’ve worked as a lobster fisher, a psychic and a greenskeeper at a semi-famous golfcourse.

    And the lie i believe is if X is bad, and it happens to me, it’s because i deserve it. :P

    • April 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm | #4

      I’m going with psychic. I’m not one so I don’t actually *know* of course… ;)

  3. blackwatertown
    April 28, 2012 at 7:10 am | #5

    Bird poop!
    Anyway – it’s lucky – so you’re OK. How did that date go?

    • April 28, 2012 at 12:14 pm | #6

      See below. Also, the young man in question so traumatized me with later torment that I still might break into hives over him… :)

  4. April 28, 2012 at 12:13 pm | #7

    Okey-doke. For the curious… The lie is in all caps and an explanation follows.

    *I have colored my hair red, brown, and BLACK. (Black always seemed to Goth for me, so I mostly did the auburns and dark browns, although I had a red stage in my early 20s.)
    *When I get a manicure, I choose either a FRENCH MANICURE, red or burgundy. (I have never had a French Manicure on either my fingers or toes. Doesn’t trip my trigger.)
    *I can roll my tongue, WIGGLE MY EARS, and whistle. (I have attempted to learn this physical feat for at least 38 years. I still cannot. The sad, I haz it.)
    *I lettered in basketball, track, and VOLLEYBALL. (I lasted about a week in volleyball. I stunk so badly I quit.)
    *I have sunbathed nude in Jamaica, Hawaii, and the COTE D’AZUR. (Nope although there were lots of topless folks there and one older gent basically flossing with his Speedo. Traumatizing to my younger eyes it was. LOL.)
    *At a steak place, I would order either a NY STEAK, rib eye, or filet mignon. (My favorite steak is a rib eye and I actually don’t care much for a New York. If the option is only a NY, I’ll pick something else.)
    *When it comes to seafood, I love shrimp, crab, and MUSSELS. (I don’t like mussels. I keep trying to like them but it doesn’t work.)
    *I have eaten STEAK TARTARE, haggis, and vegemite. (Raw meat rather grosses me out. Just like raw eggs, hence I don’t eat cookie dough. Ever.)
    *If I go out for drinks, I would order a Sidecar, a Cabernet Sauvignon or a PINOT GRIGIO. (If they don’t make a good Sidecar then a good Cab makes me happy. Most whites are too dry for me so I skip them all together. If you were to serve me one, I might sip at it, but I wouldn’t ever order it.)
    *My first kisses with a boys went badly because I SNEEZED JUST BEFORE CONTACT, I was pooped on by a bird, and I turned my head. (The first time a boy tried to kiss me, we were acting out Sleeping Beauty. Bird crapped all over my forehead. Second time I was an 8th grader and got so freaked out I turned my head at the last moment. Poor Jamie, never tried to kiss me again.)
    *I have driven in Missouri, Iowa, and ILLINOIS. (I’ve actually never even been in Illinois in spite of living in MN for 9 years.)
    *I earned a “B+” in college in BIOLOGY, Creative Writing, and Sociology. (As evidence of my idiocy, I screwed this one up. I got a B+ in Creative Writing, a C in Biology and I can’t remember Sociology but I’m pretty sure it was an A or A-. Oops.)
    *Three people (not myself) have vomited in my hair: my daughter, MY HUSBAND, and my best friend in elementary school. (My first ever sleep-over included my friend puking banana splits all over my head and face. That was so awesome. Really.)
    *On my first car, I changed my own tires, SPARK PLUGS, and oil. (I’ve never changed the spark plugs on a car. Now a tractor on the other hand….)
    *In my Easter basket, the order I ate my candy was peanut butter eggs, malted eggs, JELLY BEANS. (This is a bit of a trick question. I don’t like jelly beans so I just threw them away. In fact, I don’t like fruity candies. So if you get M&Ms and I get Skittles, wanna trade?)
    *I like VICHYSSOISE, gazpacho, and borscht. (I love borscht and gazpacho can be lovely on a really beastly hot night. Cold potato soup kinda grosses me out tho. Not sure why….)
    *As a slave to fashion, I have owned Levis, ABERCROMBIE, and Guess. (I’m too old to wear Abercrombie. ‘Nuff said.)
    *I’ve never drank a glass of pilsner, GUINESS, or hefeweizen. (Actually, the only one I’ve actually drank is the Guiness. I hate beer with the fire of a 1000 suns, but when in Dublin and trying to warm up from backpacking all day and you can stay as long as you are drinking…I choked it down and my friends had many more.)
    *When I worked in a cannery, I made BLUEBERRY JAM, strawberry ice cream topping, and mixed berries for smoothies. (Everyone should work in a cannery type place. We’d have fewer issues with obesity. It took me years to be able to consider eating strawberry jam/preserves/ice cream topping/etc. Also, sorting frozen smoothie mixes is a rather chilling experience.)
    *I have been paid to SHEAR SHEEP, watch plays, and sous chef. (Never got paid to shear sheep although I participated many a time as a farm kid. The others? Yep. Be jealous. LOL.)

    Thanks for reading and feel free to join in with your own truths and lies. Its rather fun. :)

  5. blackwatertown
    April 28, 2012 at 12:31 pm | #8

    Oh no – the Sleeping Poopie!

  6. April 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm | #9

    I kept score. Out of 20, I only guessed 7. You are the queen of the liars!

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