The One Armed Stripper Ruined My Lunch
The other day, I took my kiddos out to lunch after our first day of soccer camp. The agony of getting three kids to make their dietary choices, all while the line behind us grew exponentially before my eyes, finally ended and we got ourselves seated. Of course, when I sat down, the oldest was all hunched up in the corner of the bench in hopes of keeping as much of his body from making contact with the table. Upon inspection, I found two bread crumbs and a piece of lettuce on the table from the previous customer.
“Mom!” he stage-whispered. ”The table is filthy!”
Sigh. It was going to be one of those lunches. Little did I know, lunch was going to have way more “filth” than some wilted lettuce as we attempted to “eat fresh.”
So here I am, trying to feed my children a wholesome meal, when the conversation from the next table gets a little louder. And louder, and louder, until they might as well have been sitting with us. Heaven knows, I’m used to being cramped while dining.
At first the 10 year old looked at me. Then, I saw the 6 year old’s ears perk up. When the 4 year old stood up on his seat to peer at them, I knew I was in trouble.
The story we were listening to? Yeah, it went like this:
Twenty-something woman (A): ”So this one time I was in this strip-joint out on 82nd [SE Portland] and the strippers were like they usually are. You know, some are decent and some just have no rhythm.”
Second twenty-something woman with pink reptile skin stiletto heels peeking out from her long jeans (B): ”Oh yeah. I know what you mean. Some of them just can’t dance for anything. I mean, where the f@ck do they get their talent?’
Twenty-something man (C): ”I mean, gawd. Some of them just look so skanky I almost can’t stand to open up their g-string to put my money in there.”
(A): ”Yeah, I only pay the hot ones myself. If you’re not hot, I’m not paying you for your crappy dancing.”
(C): “And no way I’m paying for a lap-dance if I even think there’s going to be pube-lice or something.”
Twenty-something who looks a bit like Marion-the-librarian (D): “Pube-lice? People can get that? Oh dear….”
(A): ”The worst was the one-armed stripper tho. You should have seen how bad she sucked at the pole dance. Just watching her stump waving around, I had to order a double just to keep my buzz going.”
You know people, I’m all for freedom of speech and all that. But the next time you’re out having a turkey and cheddar on 9-grain for lunch, you might want to think about how your conversations are going to lead to other conversations. Namely, the one I got to have with my kiddos out in the van on the way home.
“Um Mom, what is a stripper and what’s a pube?”
Leave a Reply
Missives posted on Mondays and Fridays. Unless the coffee and chocolate run out...
Copyright © Kristina Martin and Ten Minute Missive, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kristina Martin and Ten Minute Missive with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Oh my gawd! Yikes! Good luck with that conversation… Thanks folks!
Yeah, some inherent humor, but oh my. Good thing not much embarrasses me. But at least I had time to plan – I figured ONE of them would ask about it.
I just hope that someday, one of them is a parent. May they have lots of embarrassing situations foisted upon them by strangers. LOL!
response to #2, please don’t wish that we only need qualified people to breed.
Um, sorry about that. I only meet with my stripper friends once a month, and we’re used to talking loud over music and drunk people. We’ll keep it down in August – and use code words like “public” “flagpole” and “pole-challenged” next time.
Thanks! So glad I can count on you to speak in code for now on! I’m thinking the Time Out Show will get a bit of this story at some later date.
Great to see you!
OMG!! I have two grown boys and I never ran in to a conversation like that! WHO are these people!! YUCK! That must have been so much fun to explain, I can’t even imagine!! Ha, Ha!! Life, it’s always interesting. You’d think they might have noticed OTHER people??!!
evelyngarone.wordpress.com
Last comment was hilarious. So sorry Kristina. I take it that E. standing straight up in his seat listening (and maybe even staring … hope, hope) didn’t phase them one bit. On some level, maybe they got it and will be more prudent next time … or at least horrifically embarrassed in the future!
That is too funny. People can be so inconsiderate, but at least you got this funny story out of it!
My sentiments, exactly! Better luck next time, Kristina!
Wow. My kids would have had a field day with that one. I am positive that I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut. I’m also positive that my kids would not have been able to keep their mouths shut.
OH gosh! I’m am so Sorry! If I were there I would have yelled at them so loud they would have been quiet the rest of the time. In a respectful way though haha
That’s just inappropriate, it’s bad when you swear around children, let alone talk about pube-lice, pole dancing, AND swear in the midst of it all. I am very sorry that you and your children had to deal with that.
Ok, now that’s just wrong.
I’m surprised that you didn’t say something to them.
Yes, I’m with you for the free speech thing, but come one people, have some common sense. If you’re in a place that kids are going to hear, or even people who might take offense to it, either lower your voices or better yet, save those types of conversations till you’re somewhere that’s more appropriate. Or use code words like jq stated.
It’s bad enough that I’ve got to censor myself when talking about stuff, but when I have to ‘remind’ people in public places that can OBVIOUSLY see I have a 3 year old? That’s just not only rude, it’s ignorant.
Good luck with the subsequent conversations that you’re going to have with the kiddos.
This really sounds interesting! The conversation in the car must have been really interesting trying to wiggle a good answer for your kids while keeping everything G-rated.
Great post!
I hate when this happens. I’m not a prude, but I don’t want to hear that kind of language or those topics of discussion (unless I’m part of it, lol) and I dislike it even more when my kids are around. I have a neighbor who can’t complete a whole sentence without dropping the “f” bomb. Whatever happened to discretion? Don’t people THINK before they talk?
Wow, quite a story; I enjoyed it!!
So ….. and how did you explain the ‘&$*±^ words’ to your childeren
??
lls thats a funny story
but true
people never stop to think how there little remarks or converstions will effect other people..
im subscribing to your blogs
if you can read and comment my blogs also
im new at this whole written thing but i love it
im only 18 so my blogs might not catch your attention that much
but i can use all the support and advise i can get
please and thank you
Oh dear. Guess you wont be taking your children to that establishment again!
Well, I don’t think I should hold it against Subway that some customers are goof-balls.
Now, the lettuce on the table…maybe. But then, my son can see even the smallest bits of anything with “germs” and it was lunch hour which equals “SLAMMED” at Subway. Thanks for stopping by!
Kids are great like that. They should be restaurant critics
Oh my gosh…are you serious!! There was actually lettuce and bread crumbs on the table…That is just sick!
Seriously though…I can’t believe people would talk about something like that in public for all to hear. Now they will have to add a non-stripper talk section to restaurants. But what really gets me is…why did they not bring up the one armed stripper to start the conversation…to me that’s the most interesting aspect of the story… 
http://www.wutevs.wordpress.com
Hmm, good point. Perhaps I missed the preamble – I was probably distracted over who was eating too many Fritos versus Potato Chips (in my role as contract negotiator and chief mediator). And since the one-armed stripper comment happened just as they were walking past, I missed any more follow-up. ~shakes head~ Dang, now I’ll always be wondering…
Ah! Portland the city with more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the US what a prestigious honor, certainly known for more interesting attractions than just adult entertainment. The birth place of the Simpsons, Americas longest running animated sit com., an astonishing record to behold. I guess both equally challenging to explain to children, good luck with that, my son, wife and I have been there also, he’s thirteen now and no worse for the wear.
I’ve been sitting at tables with people having inappropriate conversations with children on the next table. And I’ve told those people to shut up.
Sporting events are another so-called “family friendly” activity that involve asking the people behind you to please not scream curse words within earshot of your children.
That is pretty funny and awkward at the same time!
GOOD GRIEF some people are just DUMB!! I try to be so careful of any ears around me so I don’t ‘teach’ something to little people they don’t need to know!
Mostly I just try to remember that I don’t walk about in a bubble…
Thanks for stopping by! Can’t wait to catch up on everyone’s blogs!
Amaze’! I think we should be allowed to put muzzles on people if they’re behaving think that. http://degreesof.wordpress.com
Wow. Just wow. I think it would have been difficult not to approach them and offer ‘thanks’ for expanding the kiddos vocabulary. Some people are just clueless!
Well, they were getting ready to leave and most of it was said just as they were on their way out. Plus, there are times when it seems more prudent (ok, I’m a major conflict-avoider!) to just answer questions from my kids when/if they arise in a low-key way. I figured commenting would just pique their interest. Besides, it makes a great story to retell them when they’re grown-ups! Assuming my memory still functions that long…. Thanks for stopping by – now I want cookies!!!
I’m stunned. (And you know me–that takes some doing!)
Wow! That’s impressive to leave YOU stunned. Better go have a cold drink to recover.
I work in the public library system for 20+ years, and I am shocked at what people say on their cell phones. For the people who are listening or just around you, tone it down. For you cellphone users we the public at large do not care what you ate last night
and what there name was
priceless!!
OMG, laughing out loud at this!
Thanks for the entertainment!
Tawna
I have to admit pondering how you would react.
I figured you might giggle.
Freedom of speech goes both ways.
I am a big mouth mother who in similar situations has done a few different things over the years.
1. asked the offending party to shut the F#$% up I have kids with me.
Then I turn to my kids and say,”scuse me angels”.
2. I turn to my kids and have a loud explanation-conversation with them of how God makes some people smart and some people very stupid…and here is an example..listen to these people over at this table…don’t we feel sorry for them…God made them so stupid.Shame so sad.
The 3rd thing I have done and only when the offenders might physically be a threat is say to my kids we are taking our food and eating in the car or at home today, and we leave. IMHO,it’s not worth “educating” young minds until you decide it’s time.
Raising kids is hard work in today’s society,I wish you all the best!
You sound like a great mom!
I’ll be the first to admit, and in a heart-beat, that I am a conflict avoider or at least not a conflict-increaser. I’d like to hope that if I’d mentioned (a) how loud they were or (b) that little kids were listening, they would have responded in a positive manner and so be it. But who’s to know? These days, you just don’t know how people will react. By saying nothing, perhaps I did the right thing or perhaps it was the wrong thing. But in the end, the conversation I got to have in the van was age-appropriate. I still laugh tho – these are the moments you just never think about when contemplating parenthood.
Thanks – we are all great parents when we parent out of love…and with a little chocolate. 
Thanks for a great laugh. Hope your kids didn’t get any fashion ideas!
Lol! Actually, I’m pretty sure the 10 year old is still feeling weirded out by whether there were hundreds or thousands of germs on the table.
The conversation seemed to make way less of an impression than what a restaurant goes through for the Department of Health. 
As a stripper blogger (good god, they make strippers who can write!), I must admit I find this whole thing kind of funny. Strippers take their clothes off for a living and dance around naked (who cares?). They grind on strange people (it gets to be boring after all, I know). People being too loud at a restaurant (who cares? happens all the time). Your kids will hear all sorts of bizarre shit at school. This is unfortunate that we cannot as parents protect them and dull out information that is age appropriate. We can only do our best.
Gotta love how someone with a disabled or different body is automatically gross. Typical, eh? I hope you’re teaching your kids better than that. We need to value our differences and be able to see that different doesn’t equal disgusting.
~Kali
http://www.brilliantmindbrokenbody.wordpress.com
Hmm, I guess I hadn’t actually thought that about that, but you are correct. I “think” my kids know that, but you never really know what you’ve taught versus what they’ve learned…until way after the fact. But they go to school with lots of kids all over every kind of spectrum out there – I’m pretty sure they’d never think someone was gross for being disabled. Nose boogers, yep. But missing limbs, nope.
It is, for better or for worse, often one of those things that has to be deliberately instilled in people. I was lucky as a kid; we had a classroom aid who had cerebral palsy, and when someone who has an obvious disability is around you a lot when you’re young, you get a chance to interact with them as a person rather than a disability. We learn later in life to treat people with disabilities as just disabilities.
I’d suggest finding books for them that include disability themes; unfortunately, I’m not conversant enough with children’s literature to suggest any.
As a person with an obvious disability, I can tell you that most people see you as a disability first. That’s part of why I said something – because I think your kids are probably old enough to have absorbed some of that but young enough that you can teach them better.
~Kali
What an odd conversation to have at any kind of establishment. This sounds like one of those “Overheard At The Beach/Office” submissions, hilarious!
The birds and the bees talk has never been so graphic, hehe
Yikes! As a former stripper, even I feel queasy. Just know that not all strippers talk like that! I’m always for freedom of “adult” things, but in their proper place. When I hear people speaking like this when I have my children around, I just kind of stare at them, like…Really? You think that’s appropriate?!
Thanks for the story!
Stripper Mom
I really do think most people have no idea just how their actions affect others – and since I’m going out on that limb of assuming none of them were parents, I am hoping their “radar” was just oblivious. I know that once I became a mom, things that had never bothered me before suddenly did. The movie, “Life is Beautiful” comes to mind. There is no way I could watch that movie these days without completely falling apart. Thanks for dropping by!
WOW! From the title I was expecting something pretty freaky… like a stripper losing her arm in your sandwich. Trust me, you were lucky. It could’ve been a whole lot worse.
Natina
http://crosswordcharlie.wordpress.com/
HA HA HA! Now THAT would be a good story. Gross, but good.
People usually are in their own world. They are only concerned about themselves and their conversation. That is why you can get a full play by play of people’s cell phone conversation. I would not want to be the one to explain to my kids what a stripper is. That was a great topic thought. thetruthisextant.wordpress.com
I will have visit and read more of your blogs. Take care and God bless.
Actually, that part of the story is pretty boring – which is why I left it out. “Strippers are dancers who wear skimpy costumes.” “Oh. Hey! He touched my side of the seat!” or some such thing.
Sigh. There’s a stripper mistake. “Dole” instead of “dull.” Darnit!
~giggle~ Dang it – don’t you hate it when that happens? I do that kind of stuff all the time. And I’m supposed to know better. Of course, I’m often distracted whilst typing…and the cat likes to help me as well. At least, that’s the story I’m using!
OMG that is pretty funny! At least you got a really good story out of it.
OMG that is really funny! At least you got a very good story out of it. That’s how I look at hanging out with my family members who drive me crazy, more stories for the blog. sht4srs.wordpress.com. Keep up the funny stories. I’m going to have to pop back for another laugh soon.
I can certainly understand how you feel
I think it’s great that those people gave you an opportunity to teach your kids something about the world beyond soccer.
Hahehe…oh wow! What an amazing learning experience for your little kiddies! Thanks for sharing this funny story!
After reading all the comments, I’m disturbed by all the shock and, worse, the assumption that we have a right to ask the rest of the world to line up and conform to our own parenting choices. As far as telling children what a stripper is, and in an age-appropriate manner, What is the BFD? “A stripper is an entertainer who dances in bars or nightclubs {wearing bathing suit-type clothes} (last phrase optional).” And what’s so heavy about pubes? That’s just another genital area body part like the rest that they might have asked about already, or soon will. And as for the missing arm, I must concur with the poster who pointed out the disability = disgust issue. And cursing?! I’m quite sure your children have heard cursing by now. We cannot monitor the way the rest of the world talks in order to shield children from hearing it. Nor should we want to.
Thank you!
Wow! Some people have no tact. I’m 20-something but I’m proud to say I have manners and even if I was in private I probably wouldn’t be having a conversation like that. Your poor kiddos minds were probably all over the place with that one.
Good luck to ya.
Hilarious, except for the them making fun of the one-arm stripper. I remember sitting in a restaurant with an ex-boyfriend and listening to a graphic discussion about – clear throat. All I can tell you I was mortified for them and me. I can only imagine what it would was like for you with kids.
I stumbled upon this accidentally. Love the story, hilarious! You can’t make up better dialogue. Enjoying your blog!
It’s amazing the things people say because they don’t think anyone around them will be listening in. Personally, it’s one of my favorite things to do in public places just to see how outrageous the conversations can get.
Lol that’s awesome
LOL!! Very good post!
whoaa. sorry i just came across ur blog and whoaaaa man! that’s plain horrific. you should have told them something! or nudged your kids into asking them an embarrassing question:) hahahaa then perhaps they’d have realised other people are listening too!
Bahaha. I think you win the best blog post title award.
If I had a drink in my mouth while I read it I think I’d have spat it out…. which kind of makes me wish I did.
xx Action Wolfe
actionwolfe.wordpress.com
Its dissapointing that the strippers disability caused so much disgust and shock. Funny story though
I “stumbled” upon this story because it was featured on the front page of WordPress. See, what I found shocking about this story was that you thought you were going to be purchasing a nutritious lunch at any establishment where you stand in line.
Highly amusing. Kinda makes me glad that with my kids so young (5, 3, 18 months) that most conversations go right over their heads and that I rarely go anywhere without my hubby to help control them, so he gets the honor of speaking up in situations like that.
I usually get most upset when people have conversations like that or worse and I look over and see their young child sitting right there absorbing it all. While I know that my kids miss a lot, that is because their exposure to it is minimal and so they don’t dwell on it. Things like “please” and “thank you” and “God bless you’ when someone sneezes are the types of things that my kids hear on a daily basis and those are the types of things I hear coming out of their mouths spontaneously.
Good luck raising your kids to not be the types of people you shared your lunch with.
There are some things you just don’t talk about in public, let alone with kids sitting nearby. Thanks for sharing this. I just came across your blog and look forward to reading more.
We live in a country that has a language that is so colorful that we have words for everything but on the other hand some of those words offend lots of people. As a person of color i’ve had unflattering conversations about race unfold right next to me as if I was not there. I have decided that there are rude people that have decided to shock and amaze us all with this sometime weapon we call language, but I refuse to lock myself and my mind away in hopes it will all go away. Quite frankly the dirty table disturbs me more than anything those people could say. I’m sorry that your children had to hear that conversation but get ready to do a lot of explaining about a lot things your kids will hear and you won’t be with them to hear the conversation that the questions will be about.
I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth shut and would’ve turned around and snapped something along the lines of: “Do you MIND? There are kids present!”
I’m turning into my mother, I swear.
If you think the environment you’re in isn’t suitable for your kids, it’s your responsibility to remove them from that environment – not to demand the environment change to suit them (and sarcastically and with condescension to boot! I hope you’re never driven to make such a comment, as I assure you the consequences would not be to your liking. If you feel the need to curtail the behaviour of strangers, at least be polite about it.)
As a great man said, “Once a traveller leaves his home, he loses almost 100% of his ability to control his environment.”
There are various possible responses:
1) Go over and sit down at the other table and listen obviously and intently, saying, “My children and I are having trouble hearing your conversation, and they are asking me questions, so I wanted to get all the details so I can report back to my children on exactly what you are talking about.”
2) Bring all your children over and sit them at the other table.
3) Get your children to start a “What makes me puke” conversation as loudly as possible. It would take some preparation, but perhaps you could train one of your children to develop the ability to puke on demand for situations such as this.
You’re suggested solutions are FUNNY!
That is too funny!!
At the risk of revealing my inept dexterity, how did she get her bra undone? I find it difficult enough using both my hands to get my girlfriend’s undone!
You’d no doubt be surprised to find out about the abilities people with so-called disabilities develop, way beyond anything you or I have had to learn.
HAHAHAHA made my day
…. Great blog!
Well I’m not quite sorry. Your son will probably got to strippers when he grows up, just like your husband does,so where is the reason to be quiet about their life? Just for your own petty peace of mind?
Go to MS Word, click Find and replace, Find – soccer, replace with – football.
Done!
good story
Oh man…the things you hear when you’re out with your kids! Makes life more interesting, that’s for sure!
HAHAHAHA!
“Um Mom, what is a stripper and what’s a pube?”
That is hilarious and awkward.
Thanks for the post. Probably one of the best posts I’ve read in a while!
That’s so awesome. My daughter is nearing the age where she’ll start repeating words… I’m just dreading the day that she busts out with something comparable to “one armed stripper” in the check out line at the grocery store
Hilarious post!
Awesome conversation. I’m going to make sure to mention one-armed strippers every time I’m out in public.
The best stripper story is the preggo one with the black eye in Florida, however I refrain from telling said story around those under 18 or over 55..
Serious? That made my day ha-ha I cracked up. But ya, I’m a teenager, but ya know, thats terrible that they would say that in public. If I was a mom in your situation I would stand up, walk over to them and give them a piece of my mind. Ha
OMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS U HAVE LOADS OF TALENT
I DON’T KNOW HOW U COULD SIT THROUGH HEARING ABOUT PUBIC LICE AND 1 ARMED STRIPPERS.
HILARIOUS. THAT JUST PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE XD LOL.
Hehehe… that is so wrong… but funny.
Appreciated your story. Keep writing.
Sandra Van Asch
oh wow – there’s a lunch I’m glad I missed out on! People just don’t think about what they’re saying public sometimes…
Unfortunately, there are too many people in this world who engage their mouth without engaging their brain first. Then again, if they are talking like those who were at your neighboring table, they probably don’t have a brain to engage! People like that deserve to have their ‘freedom of speech’ ripped out at the vocal cords!
I wasn’t laughing at the contents of the other table’s speech, true, those were words that shouldn’t be let out quite as publicly as that. But your last line is simply hilarious! How did you tackle the situation?
great headline…
ahahaha! Over-hearing other peoples conversations is always hilarious. Why do they choose to talk about these (more often than not) inappropriate things in public places?! Most of the time it’s funny but when there’s kids around, it’s wrong.
http://sylviangirl.wordpress.com/
very good
try to visit these
http://civilengg.co.tv/wordpress/nm3
Sounds equally embarrassing as when you’re sitting with your kids all around the sofa watching some ‘safe’ movie, and then all of sudden two people having s.e.x burst onto the screen and you can slice the turn of atmosphere with a knife!
Cool post… Thanks.
You really need to top that off if you ever find yourself (and the kids) in Atlanta. If you go out to or come back from Decatur (sp?) you want the One Armed Bandit. He always over charges you but it is one of those thing that it is worth the price of admission. He really does have only one arm and drives like a man with no reason to live. If you can avoid vomiting it is fun as hell.
LMAO! Oh man. That is just wrong, but I can’t stop laughing. How did you not bust out laughing? I would have been laughing so HARD!
A one-armed stripper with pubic lice, was she up to scratch, I wonder?
sounds like the sandwiches weren’t the only “fresh” things there at subway! *sorry, had to*
I fully understand. I have two young kids and it is amazing what other people say in front of them. It’s just so wrong because you try to protect your kids from that sort of thing.
I CAN IMAGINE YOUR SHOCK. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM TO LOWER IT DOWN…….
I’m sorry, but that is just too damn funny! I feel for you tho about the conversation with the kids. Exactly how did you explain pube lice? great post — thanks!
It’s funny story.Good job.Thaank you.
It’s funny story.Good job.Thank you.
Wow! That was even worse than what happened to me!
Same thing, but they didn’t swear in it.
And it was only one person speaking REALLY loudly with someone on the phone…
Well, wouldn’t wanna be TOO classy, haha. But seriously, ick. First, to speak like that with kids around is bad enough, but in a restaurant? That kind of talk would make anyone lose their appetite!
OMG,
I must say – Hilarious.
Even more hilarious when I think what went through you when you saw your kids paying attention to their conversation and then having to lie to your kids about it on the way home.
wow that really is quite disturbing… Especially with your kids around. I love your style of writing. Very clever. blablablaire.wordpress.com
insanely hilarious
Hope your talk went well.
Sorry for laughing, but what a story !
Okay, I’m not saying that wasn’t a graphic conversation. And, had I been one of the speakers involved, I hope I would have kept my voice down – for the sake of propriety, and courtesy towards those who might not have wanted to hear it. We should all try to “love” our “neighbours,” I think.
BUT I feel strongly that the conversation you were forced to have on the way home is exactly what you signed up for when you decided to have a family. Explaining the world to your children – a world which can at times be sexual, crass, obscene, “mature” – isn’t that the definition of parenthood? Just as you don’t blame the sun for rising, thus prompting questions like “where does the sun go at night?” I think you can’t ask people to restrict themselves to tame topics when children are about. Your kids would surely have learned what strippers and pubes are at some point … aren’t you happy they got to learn it from you? (After external prompting, yes – but YOU got to explain it. Lucky you!)
That is hilarious, and awkward and I can’t imagine what the conversation in my mini van would have been like. I have to say that your title is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve read in months!
Sounds like a hilarious conversation…that would’ve been funnier if participants spoke at a lower volume or in more code so anything unsuitable for the ears of children wouldn’t so easily reach the ears of children.
People shouldn’t have to self-censor in public in terms of conversational topics, but in certain public spaces, one should at least take into consideration that not everyone withing earshot A. cares about what you’re saying B. should be privy to what you’re saying.
Of course, when I sat down, the oldest was all hunched up in the corner of the bench in hopes of keeping as much of his body from making contact with the table. Upon inspection, I found two bread crumbs and a piece of lettuce on the table from the previous customer.
“Mom!” he stage-whispered. ”The table is filthy!”
Awesome! I mean, I know the feeling of doing what one can to avoid making contact with a filthy table. I’ve had to carry a water bottle and a wad of napkins with me so I can wipe down surfaces to get rid of the sticky and oily.
Tell the truth…
Q: “What is a stripper?”
A: “A person who dresses and uses clothes as props, off and on again…”
Q: “What is a pube?”
A: “A shortened name for grown-up hair that grows on certain body parts”
Freedom of speech means that I’m going to speak directly to my children and tell them the facts before friends, bathroom writings or Showtime gets to. It’s sad that uncouth grown-ups speak loud enough for other’s to hear their conversations…it’s also a shame how ghetto lifestyles can be and natuarally govern table-talk manners…regardless, take this taboo moment to smile, share and slightly enlighten your young ones about do’s, don’ts and dancers out there (in lieu of dancing around a “table topic” that dazzled their interest).
I’m one of those people who has terribly inappropriate conversations and it’s just my family… we really don’t care what anyone thinks. I remember when I was a kid and listening in on these conversations and I loved listening in. Of course, my mom hated me repeating the stuff but I try to make sure now-a-days to double check to see if there’s any young ears in distance, especially when I start swearing like a sailor.
Sigh! The travails of a mom! But you made me ROFL, ha ha! Wonderful narration, too, I must add!
Pube lice? Oh my gawd.
lol
Not only were they having inappropriate conversation for a public palce, but they sound like generally unpleasent people.
Great Texto!
Hahaha!!! Omg hilarious. Really made me chuckle
Lesley-Jane
http://youthfulmeanders.wordpress.com/
Interesting and certainly reflective of our times. Reminds me of the conversation I had to have with my kids when all the radio stations were playing “Like a Virgin” How do you tell a seven year old what a virgin is?
Please check out my blog to find out about thongs… err…I mean flip flops!
https://tavaenergy.wordpress.com
Wow. I really didn’t think that there were people out there that would talk about that sort in public. Nasty. Your poor kids!
Awful situation translated into a hilarious blog post. I never had to explain anything like that to my kids, but there were certainly other situations that had to be explained. Ah the perils of parenthood.
I had a similar situation occur a man was talking about how he got all these blowj&b% from some girl. He then begin to brag about how much pu**y he was getting as well. I thought only in your dreams old man but anyway I had my daughter with me as well, some people just don’t think.
Crikey. Hilarious and messed up!
**laffin out loud**
Nice story…one reason I don’t have KIDS LOL…Used to be a Gents Club DJ, but at the very classy Scores who would never hire a one-armed ‘entertainer’ yeechity-yeech!…I guess she might garner “sympathy tips”? Geez…I’d have to look away dixieland.
hello great mom…nice blog..visiting back and hopelly we can share together ..
Pube lice? Seriously? WTF
I guess I would have politely asked them to quiten down a little, and moved if they took umbrage.
But it reminds me of our recent orgy discussion. I tend to explain things in a straightforward way when my children ask questions. My wife is a bit different.
We visited the Hellfire Caves in the UK – underground caverns where young Lords and ladies got up to mischief. (Benjamin franklin was a visitor (though may ave joined only the scientific discussions.)
A notice on one of the cave walls referred to orgies. The children asked my wife: “Mum, what’s an orgy.”
She replied: “I’ll tell you later.” (Hoping they’d forget.)
The result was this – they quite liked the sound of the word, so they skipped along ahead through the tunnels and crowds singing Orgy Orgy Orgy loudly, and in their defence, tunefully.
Eventually she felt she had to tell them.
They shut up immediately and grimaced in horror.
It gave me a laugh.
All I can say is:
Save us from ourselves. lol. I work as a waitress and I’ve heard similar conversations. At some point you feel – dude – I just want to remind you that there are people having food here. Good, wholesome food! It calls for good, wholesome conversation!
This is funny yet it’s very embarrassing! Well, unexpected things happen and that’s life. But I find it disturbing that the three decided to share their inappropriate stories in public right next to your kids. Let’s hope that those people will make a better decision the next time.
Lol, I can’t get past the “one arm stripper” part. Sorry your kids had to hear that – scary
That’s some of the best dialoque I’ve read in awhile. I agree it would be nice if people would try to be considerate in their actions and speech when kids are around. But, on the other hand, you were free to pick up your sandwiches and leave if you did not like the atmosphere. Choices.
shame. kinda feel sorry for the one armed stripper.
http://comewrite.wordpress.com/
Congrats on making Freshly Pressed! That’s how I found your blog. Awsome post. I definately have had a few of “those” conversations with things my girls overheard when they were younger. Don’t you just love idiots who have no consideration for their surroundings?
LOL…Definitely laugh of the day.
Hahaha. Brilliant. I got a mouth myself, but I try to watch it when kiddos are around.
Or make really really clever euphemisms. “Would you like to put some extra mayo on my bread when we get home?”
People are fascinating aren’t they?
It’s a rough economy out there when one-armed wallpaper hangers have to resort to pole dancing.
You so funny! LOL!
How are things in your corner of the world? Thought of you as I drove past the Walla Walla sign on 84 yesterday – the air was thick with dust. Driving the gorge was a nightmare. Absolute nightmare.
Really funny story!! “I found two bread crumbs and a piece of lettuce on the table from the previous customer…”. I really hate filthy tables and noisy restaurants, so I just move to the next one until I find one that I really like.
Nice blog. I liked it
amen to that!!